The Downside of a Multi-Doctor Clinic

I love the upsides to multi-doctor clinics. For instance, Bryce sees a primary pediatrician in a clinic full of 'em. So, when there's an emergency and his doc is off, Bryce can still be seen by SOMEONE there and get the care he needs, without me having to swoop him off to the ER or Urgent Care all the time.

My OB's office is similar. I have a primary OB, but in times of emergency, I can see any one of 5 (they partner two offices together in order to have that many on staff). This is nice because, I could really have this baby at any time, and it is comforting to me to know, that, if my OB is not on call, someone from her office will deliver Abbie and will know my chart.

Or so I thought.

Because of my experiences with being pregnant with Bryce and having pregnancy-induced hypertension, I'm ACUTELY aware of signs of high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia (to those of you who don't know, pre-eclampsia is a serious pregnancy complication that can lead to a whole host of problems...usually bedrest and sometimes early induction/C section follow). Last week, I gained 5 lbs in 4 days. That is NOT normal. Normal at this stage is about 1-2 lbs/week. I can assure you that I was not sucking down Tagalong Blizzards and Big Macs (though they are quite tasty). I was also swelling a lot, and Monday morning my eyes were swollen and I was having blurry vision. The weight gain and these symptoms are all signals that pre-eclampsia may be on the horizon.

My OB is on vacation. She will be back on the 4th. So, Monday, I call my OB's office, advise them of my symtpoms and as what I should do. Well, I should come in of course, only the OTHER OB in the office is out too, so I'll need to go to the downtown clinic to see Dr. P. (using abbreviations only to be kind...I'd dime these folks out in a second if I thought anything they did in the following paragraphs was gratuitous and intentional). So, I see Dr. P. Luckily, my BP is normal (GREAT sign), but they want to run some blood labs, so I oblige the vampires.

I receive a call this morning from Dr. P's office. There were some abdormal readings, so they want me to take some more blood tests. This time I ask if I can do them at the clinic near my home and ask what it's all about. THEY DON'T WANT TO TELL ME. I finally prod, and the nurse mentions something about my liver. Fan.tas.tic.

So, I rush into the lab to give the vampires a second helping of my O negative, and then await my 3PM appointment with my OB's partner, Dr. W. Untreated anxiety made today a living hell for me. All sorts of terrible scenarios floated through my head, and it was everything I could do to get through my daily alotment of work.

I get to the appointment, and Dr. W's nurse tells me that he's still in surgery and I'll be seeing the nurse practitioner. Uh, what? I have nothing against nurses, and I know that 9 times out of 10 they've got it figured out before the docs, but THIS is serious...THIS is my liver. THIS could mean inductions or a c-section if it's serious enough...can a nurse make that call?

I wait for about 20 min in the waiting room, and then another 20 min in the procedure room. All of a sudden, the nurse comes in, moves me to a different room and tells me Dr. W is there and can see me. Phew, that's a relief.

I wait another 10 minutes, before Dr W comes waltzing through the door. And he looks at me funny. I would have stood to shake his hand, but I'm 37 weeks pregnant thank you very much, and I don't feel like getting up. So, I wait for him to sit in front of the computer, and check my chart, and ask me why I'm there. EXCUSE ME? I realize you just came from surgery, but the least you could have done was read the notes the nurse wrote on the back of my chart. So, I calmly explain the symptoms I'd had which led to my Monday appointment with Dr. P. He looks at the blood drawn on Monday, and says, "well, it all looks very normal to me..." WHAT? Are you kidding me? "Well," I reply, "they called me this morning and requested that I take more tests, did you get those results?" I haven't seen a blanker stare since I asked Bryce if it was he or the cat the squeezed all of the toothpaste down the sink. "Oh!" He says, as he quickly pulls up my chart on the computer...."yep, those labs look good, too."

Well, then WHAT IN THE HELL did I need to give blood for again? Obviously, if Dr. P thought they were normal, I wouldn't have given more this morning and I wouldn't be here NOW! So, he says, "well, your platelets are a little low...normal is 150 to (some number I can't remember) and you are at 148. That is where you were at on Monday and that's where you're at today."

"So, what does that mean?"

"Well, nothing really. You're just a TINY bit low. It's really nothing to worry about. I'd just keep doing what your doing and see Dr. G (my normal OB) next Wednesday." He listed for Abbie's heartbeat, measured my stomach and then left the room.

I was SO PISSED. Not pissed that Abbie and I are healthy, mind you. I'm very grateful for that.

Pissed that I spent my ENTIRE day, FREAKING out. I had called my mom, and she was seconds from hopping a plane early. Brett was in a PANIC, coming up with contingency plans for his workload should he need to leave early.

So, I called them both, told them we were A-OK, and I was a victim of the left hand not knowing what the right hand was doing.

Funny thing is, I betcha I'll get a call from Dr. P's office, wanting to go over my results, and maybe even ordering MORE labs, because according to nonchalant Dr. W, the results from today were the same as Monday.

We'll see how they decide to play this one.

Handwritten Letters

I've determined that a handwritten letter seems to hold so much more weight than a typed one. I'm not sure why, but it's true. When I really need to get my feelings out or a point across to Brett, I write him a letter. I usually write these before he comes to bed and leave them in the bathroom, and then he reads them after I'm asleep. I write them not to point fingers, but mostly because we both tend to get defensive when we're both trying to get two points across, and I've learned over the years that I can write a letter, take my time and make sure I'm heard without pointing fingers or placing blame...then he can read it, mull it over, and we usually come back the next evening and chat about the concerns on both sides of the table.

This never happens when I type a letter. It probably comes across more formal...it's quicker to type than it is to write. Subconsciously, I guess when you hand write something, it tells the reader that you took the time to write it, to think about what you were going to write, that now your wrist hurts. But, all of the feeling, the emotion, the point you're trying to make, it's all right there. When you type, sure you can edit yourself, delete and replace, but you also run the risk of going too fast, of NOT using the same filters you would have had you slowed down and just wrote it out.

So, long story short, I hand wrote a letter last night. It was read, mulled over, and he was home by 6:45. We had dinner as a family, he played with Bryce and watched some cartoons. We watched the Mariner's game together. And now we're heading to bed. Good night all.

Beyond

I don't know what else to say.

I'm pregnant. I'm hot. I'm tired. I'm uncomfortable. I'm swelled up and bloated.

Today, I've been put on partial bed rest. Today, you'd think he would have tried to come home early, so I could begin to follow doctor's orders.

But, today is like any other day. There are cars to fix, and the boss is out of town, so even more responsibility. So, he stayed. I guess I shouldn't be so surprised.

Yeah, he comes home. I'm grateful for that. But when he does, at 8 or 9 at night, which is becoming the new norm, Bryce suffers. He wants to see him. He stays up past his bedtime to see him. And then he yells when Bryce throws a fit. He's tired, he needs structure, he needs his bedtime back. But he needs Daddy time too.

He gets home. He tags me out, I go lay down. He goes downstairs, and has his well-deserved beer and kicks his feet up. And then I don't see or talk to him until 6AM the next morning, when he says goodbye.

And the cycle continues.

Kitchen remodel. Sick kid. Pregnant wife. Sweltering heat. Doesn't matter.

Just wish I could push the remainder of my life back a couple hours to accommodate.

There's So Much To Be Thankful For

I love my auntie. She has a way with words. :)

Sometimes, I get so wrapped up in my own day, my own head, that I forget how truly blessed I am. First of all, I'm VERY blessed by a family who knows when it's time to call me to the carpet.

My auntie has been reading this blog for some time. I didn't realize she had, because she's not on my "followers" list. She sent me an email yesterday and let me know that she wanted to make a comment about my blog. Given my current hormonal condition, this could have EASILY gone sideways, but because she knows and loves me, and because I believe God was on my end keeping the hormones at bay, the message came through loud and clear. The message was this:

I am SO lucky to have the husband I do. I have griped, complained, threw fits, made ultimatums, and behaved so horribly rotten toward him at some points that I'm lucky he's stuck by me. The man works long hours. He's tired when he gets home. He deserves to sit and have a beer...even if the bottle cap is left on the counter...he's human.

The important thing is, HE COMES HOME. He SPENDS TIME with us. He takes Bryce golfing. He does what he can with the time he has. And it's all geared toward us. He's trying to make my dreams come true. He has given me 2 healthy kids, a healthy AND NORMAL teenage bonus-daughter, a beautiful home, and is now working his rear-end off to try and make it so I can stay home and raise our babies full-time. All things I've always wanted and have dreamed of since I was a little girl. How lucky am I?

So, he makes a mess. So, he wants to play softball. So what? In the grand scheme of things, what does it really matter? Left to my own devices, there's no way I could accomplish all of the things mentioned above all by myself. I'M GLAD I don't have to, and I don't envy single parents who have to work full-time and try and give their kids the lives they deserve. It's hard as a working, married parent.

He's funny, he's loving, and even though he can be sarcastic and downright mean sometimes, he'd walk through fire for any one of us.

So, my house isn't spotless. So, I don't have a back splash. So what? The important thing is, I have the love and full support of a wonderful man. They don't come around all that often anymore.

The email she wrote me was a hard pill to swallow. I like to be right. And I like to be right 100% of the time. But this time, I couldn't help but admit that I've been less than flattering to my husband in this blog for some time. And I'm truly sorry for that. He certainly deserves better than that, especially from his wife.

So, last night, I made him a "fancy" dinner (the fanciest I could make with what we had on hand). I poured him a beer, even though I can't have one with him, and dinner was hot and on the table when he got home. I told him it was a thank you dinner and he asked "for what?" For what. :) For putting up with me, of course! I then proceeded to do the dishes, even though he insisted he would do them, and we then went outside with our little boy and laughed and played on the swing set until bed time.

It was, quite possibly and despite my current uncomfortable condition, THE BEST evening I've had with my family for a LONG time.

So, thank you Auntie Sharon. I love you! :)

Baby Abbie Update

I am one day shy of 36 weeks, less than 1 month before my due date of August 20th. I've slowed way down, I can't move around too much without it being a bit painful...she feels like she's going to fall right out of my stomach and onto the floor! I've gained a total of 33 lbs....not bad considering a "healthy" weight gain is 25-35 lbs, and I gained over 50 with Bryce. My blood pressure is still excellent.

I had non-productive contractions for several hours on Sunday afternoon/evening and ended up in L&D. They made me chug water, confirmed yes, I was having contractions, but they weren't doing anything, they weren't painful, and I wasn't dilated or effaced, so they sent me home with instructions to "take it easy." Apparently, they don't know what my life is like! :)

Monday I was extremely crampy all day, but no contractions. Same on Tuesday. Wed AM (this morning) I woke up at 4AM with TERRIBLE heartburn, and decided to just begin my work day early. I'll probably actually finish up my "work" day in a couple of hours and then just be available by phone and check my voicemail periodically, and try and catch a cat nap. I have had a few more contractions this morning, but again, non-painful and non-productive.

I was told if I go into labor on my own at this point, they will NOT try and and stop it. Depending on how early Abbie comes and if she has any issues, she may need some short-term help in the NICU, but anything after 37 weeks is considered full-term and healthy...so we're 1 week and 1 day away from being full-term. I'm just trying to keep her in one more week.

My luck she'll decide to just stay in, cause me to wonder for weeks if it's "time", and then be late. If that's the case, then there would be no mistaking that she is definitely MY daughter. :)

Some Pre-Baby Thoughts

We're about 5 weeks away now (give or take two in either direction). I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant...entering month 9. This pregnancy has flown by for me, thanks to my crazy pre-schooler, even crazier husband and the unexpected things life throws your way (see previous posts for more detailed info). It has now just started to occur to me that, by this time next month, I could be holding my little girl in my arms instead of feeling her do pirouettes on my bladder.

I'm nervous. How is Bryce going to react? Is he going to feel slighted by the amount of time Abbie will need from us? In an attempt to still give Bryce the attention he needs, will Abbie get slighted? How is Brett going to handle two kids? Will he be helpful or a cranky jerk?

I've felt my anxiety surge in the last couple of weeks, too. I've been up nights, just thinking about all sorts of things and can't sleep (besides normal pregnancy insomnia). Wondering if I should go back on the good 'ole "crazy pills" (as my mother lovingly refers to them) once Abbie is here, so that I have one less thing to deal with.

How will labor and delivery go? I've been through it once, so I know what to expect, but just wondering what parts will be the same, what parts will be different. It will just be Brett and I this time...will he be able to be the support system I need, or will I feel alone despite his physical presence?

Are we ever going to be able to find a groove in this house? So many things need to be done yet (cleaning-wise). No one but me seems to see the clutter and dirt in the house, so no one but me seems to be willing to clean it. All of a sudden my husband has gone from a neat-freak to someone who walks in the door, drops the contents of his arms around him, and then heads back outside to have fun, to softball, or to hang out with friends. I finally told him last night that I was on strike again. Until he finds the time to spend in this house, working on our projects and spending time with Bryce and me, that is. He did take Bryce putt-putt golfing this morning, as he does almost every weekend, but I'm sure the rest of the afternoon will be spent outside puttering around fixing the boat.

Will I finally get to be a stay at home mama? Or, will my maternity leave fly by and I'll be back to haggling dollars and cents with personal injury attorneys by Christmas? God, I hope not. There are just so many things to think about, all of which are beginning to weigh heavily. Suppose this is probably normal.

Quick Rant...

Why is it that, when I leave for a couple of hours to do something for myself, I come back to a mess and a husband sitting on the couch, drinking a beer?