A year in review

My God, has a year really gone by already? In 24 hours my baby will be 1 year old. It's SO cliche, but time really does fly the older you get.

I'm feeling rather sentimental and nostalgic tonight. Going through my mind are all the ups and downs of the last year. We are blessed that most of the events were "ups." We had a child, Brett got a promotion, I got my dream job (staying home with my babies). We were fortunate enough to be able to care for our infant nephew and then help with the transition to his other auntie and uncle. Bryce is readying himself for Kindergarten and being able to see Abbie reach her milestones on a daily basis was a reward in itself.

1 year ago tonight, I was sitting on Facebook with my oldest friend (and when I say oldest, I don't mean age-wise, I mean length of time), Jennifer, who I've known since preschool back in Montesano. Via chat, we were timing my contractions together (for the third night in a row). I fully expected the fizzle, but to my surprise and glee, they did not. Jennifer kept my mind off of the negative and toward the positive, and was really a Godsend for me through those last couple, arduous weeks of pregnancy. I will always remember that, Niffer. That, and you helping me down from the ladder in preschool. :)

All of the things I had hoped for my first time around during labor happened the second time around. Walking aimlessly around the halls of the hospital in a gown with Brett, hand in hand. Stopping momentarily to breathe through a contraction. Making it a LITTLE longer before I shrieked for the anesthesiologist. :) A quick, easy labor with no complications, and the birth of the most beautiful little girl with the biggest cheeks I'd ever seen!

Abbie Kathleen, you truly are your mama's pride and joy. My little diva. Enjoy your day, sweet pea, and know that we all love you more than words.

I've also had the wonderful opportunity to become closer to and get to know my birth family better and better. Especially my littlest brother, Max. I am honored to be the matron of honor to my sister, Tiffany, in her upcoming nuptials. My kids look forward to visits to Grammy Shell's house, and Bryce LOVES to play DS with his Auntie Tiffy and Uncle Max.

As I look forward, my calendar is full constantly and it seems there isn't even enough time to breathe. But, since staying home, my big focus for the year is living in the present. To enjoy every sob, every poopy diaper, every "mommy-will-you-lay-with-me". It all goes by too quickly. And soon, there will be another little monkey running around this joint, playing with her Uncle Bryce and Auntie Abbie. Another little bundle to love. But this time, I get to sugar her up and hand her back to HER mommy. :) Can't wait to meet you, Kolbie Noelle!

So much is done. So much to look forward to. The gift I received this year was the present. Letting go of the past, not worrying so much about the future, and just being present.

God is good.

The downpour is far from over

I wish I could elaborate more without letting the cat out of the bag.

Baby Hayden has been placed with my other brother and sister-in-law, the same couple who have Shaun's first biological (and born drug-affected) child. This is wonderful on so many levels. First, they have experience raising a drug-affected child and know first hand the trials and tribulations ahead for little Hayden. Their youngest is 10 and IN LOVE with babies, so they have more time, energy, and resources to give Hayden EXACTLY what he needs. Hayden is not a bad baby; I just did not have enough arms and Bryce was starting to act out because when you juggle two babies, there's very little time left for the lonely preschooler. I have a lot of respect for those of you with twins. I have no idea how you do it. :)

With one big life hurdle down in Casa Monahan, you'd think we'd be able to breathe a sigh of relief. Unfortunately, we just got some news that we are less than thrilled about. Once firmer decisions are made on the part of the ones involved, I will elaborate more.

Until then, stay tuned. :)

If it's not one thing...

...I am now a "mother" of three. "Mother" is in quotes because technically I am a mother to two and an auntie to one. My 3 month old nephew is currently staying with us and with his other auntie and uncle until his mom and dad are able to go through rehab and prove to the State of Washington that they can be responsible parents.

I would do anything in the world for this little guy, I truly would. He is a remarkably good baby, very adaptable and seems to be thriving despite the recent uproot. His mom and dad call and/or visit daily to check on him. I have seem some good things at our visits, and I'm hoping that they can beat their demons so that little Hayden can go back to them.

My kids are learning (Bryce especially) that I am one person who two arms and I just cannot do everything at once all the time. Bryce has been very patient with me, almost to a fault, because he will sit back and look for an opening to seek attention that rarely comes with two under the age of one. So, rather than seek negative attention (which he did nearly constantly at first), he tells me loudly, "mommy, it's MY turn!" and that is sufficient to remind me that I have another child that needs his mommy. Both babies have learned that I will leave them to fuss on the floor (as long as they're clean and fed), to tend to Bryce's needs, which I think makes Bryce happy. Not that he has some weird vendetta, but that mommy is putting him first for a while.

I can tell you that after the first week, when my sweet nephew left to go to his other auntie and uncle's house for a few days, I felt like I could do ANYTHING. Handling my kids alone seemed so dang easy I was pretty sure I could do it with one hand tied behind my back and my eyes closed. For safety's sake, though, I didn't do that. :)

Major Developments

Alas, it has been quite awhile since I've posted on here. So much going on, yet very little time to update my legions of fans....hehehe...legions...right...

Anyway, here are the big developments:

* After being in my position at work for 2+ years, I was brought into my manager's office and told that I would be moving back to my old position...which I couldn't stand...and was then told it wasn't a demotion...which is crap. It was at that point that, though I had been struggling to find ways since having Abbie, I was now more determined than ever to find a way to...

*...stay home with my babies. Which, I'm proud to say, Brett and I worked out some kinks, and as of February 1, I will be entering my toughest job yet: Stay at home mommy. Or Home Executive...however you want to "french it up," I've got regular cleaning, cooking, and child-rearing activities on my plate from here until Abbie is at least in Kindergarten. I am SO excited to be able to do this. I've wanted to do this since I was a little girl!!!

And that's pretty much the biggest developments to date. All is well with the kids...Abbie is now 5 months old, rolling from back to front/front to back, and trying very hard to sit up on her own. She is a very content and happy baby, though if she wants something, she wants it now, and she'll tell you so!

Bryce is still a fantastic helper and now makes Abbie laugh all the time. He can count to 100 all by himself and is learning (on his own) basic addition. He can't wait to go to Kindergarten and ride the school bus. He LOVES playing the Wii and can kick his dad's rear end in numerous games, most recently Mario-Kart. It's very funny to watch Brett actually TRY and lose to his 4 year old. Talk about swallowing your pride! LOL

So, now on to our next chapter...

TGIF

I'm sure in the coming weeks I won't have much time to blog while I'm at work, so I'm taking advantage of the light workload now...

It's FRIDAY of my first work week back from leave! Overall it was a good week...my body is very SLOWLY adjusting to this new wake up/sleep schedule...though last night I got stuck watching the Green Mile on TV and I didn't end up closing my eyes until almost midnight. Still, I feel more rested today than I have all week, which indicates to me that my body clock is beginning to reset.

My brother got a job! He is logging out in the woods with an old friend from high school. So needless to say, he has been spending much more time away from our house. I think once he got a taste of babysitting both of the kiddos at once, he was quick to find ANYTHING to get out of here. Too funny! :)

The kids adjusted well to our babysitter. She is a wonderful stay at home mom who takes fantastic care of them. Bryce usually talks all the way home about everything he did at Summer's house. Abbie is all smiles or sound asleep when we get there. We've definitely found a keeper!!!

My housework seems to be falling apart, though...I expected it to happen. I just keep reminding myself that once my body clock resets and I'm more rested, I'll have more energy in the evenings to keep on top of everything.

At least my sink is shiny and my toilets are clean! Thanks to the FlyLady!!! (http://www.flylady.com)

Some Pre-Baby Thoughts

We're about 5 weeks away now (give or take two in either direction). I'm almost 35 weeks pregnant...entering month 9. This pregnancy has flown by for me, thanks to my crazy pre-schooler, even crazier husband and the unexpected things life throws your way (see previous posts for more detailed info). It has now just started to occur to me that, by this time next month, I could be holding my little girl in my arms instead of feeling her do pirouettes on my bladder.

I'm nervous. How is Bryce going to react? Is he going to feel slighted by the amount of time Abbie will need from us? In an attempt to still give Bryce the attention he needs, will Abbie get slighted? How is Brett going to handle two kids? Will he be helpful or a cranky jerk?

I've felt my anxiety surge in the last couple of weeks, too. I've been up nights, just thinking about all sorts of things and can't sleep (besides normal pregnancy insomnia). Wondering if I should go back on the good 'ole "crazy pills" (as my mother lovingly refers to them) once Abbie is here, so that I have one less thing to deal with.

How will labor and delivery go? I've been through it once, so I know what to expect, but just wondering what parts will be the same, what parts will be different. It will just be Brett and I this time...will he be able to be the support system I need, or will I feel alone despite his physical presence?

Are we ever going to be able to find a groove in this house? So many things need to be done yet (cleaning-wise). No one but me seems to see the clutter and dirt in the house, so no one but me seems to be willing to clean it. All of a sudden my husband has gone from a neat-freak to someone who walks in the door, drops the contents of his arms around him, and then heads back outside to have fun, to softball, or to hang out with friends. I finally told him last night that I was on strike again. Until he finds the time to spend in this house, working on our projects and spending time with Bryce and me, that is. He did take Bryce putt-putt golfing this morning, as he does almost every weekend, but I'm sure the rest of the afternoon will be spent outside puttering around fixing the boat.

Will I finally get to be a stay at home mama? Or, will my maternity leave fly by and I'll be back to haggling dollars and cents with personal injury attorneys by Christmas? God, I hope not. There are just so many things to think about, all of which are beginning to weigh heavily. Suppose this is probably normal.

Relaxing Weekend

Each year about this time, Brett's extended family all heads up to Fort Worden in Port Townsend for the weekend. The events range from sing-alongs on the beach, campfires with s'mores, chasing little ones around the fields, teenagers in the Bunkers, lots of fan-TAS-tic food, and wonderful conversation. Every family has their quirks and their issues, but I truly adore Brett's family. I feel very free to be myself, and I enjoy visiting with them all, and sharing my talents (both in the kitchen and behind a guitar).

Each year, our particular family is usually in charge of breakfast on Saturday morning. Brett's mom is a fabulous cook, and she usually finds 2-3 new recipes to try out on the group each year. However, in years past, we usually were sprung with several cooking surprises that weren't on the usual menu, and required the other females in our family to spend way more time in the kitchen than we wanted to or anticipated. Each year, we try and plan for this, and tactfully explain to our MIL that we DON'T want to be in the kitchen all weekend, we don't want to waste food, and we want to make sure that everyone's food gets sampled. I am proud to say that after 10+ years of the same song and dance, she FINALLY got it. She kept to her menu (we kept to ours), and we had a VERY NICE meal with plenty of food and didn't stress about the kitchen this year. I was so happy that I wanted to kiss her!

The crowd was sparse this year, and it's becoming clearer to everyone that Port Townsend may not be the location of choice next year. There's been a lot of talk about heading out to the beach (Ocean Shores) next year if we can find a few houses on the water to rent. Even though I grew up out there and it's nothing new to me, it would be a great change of pace and a chance for Bryce to enjoy the ocean like I did growing up. We may even be able to begin some new traditions for the newest generation!

All in all, a relaxing, enjoyable weekend!

Happy New Year!

New Year's Eve for us this year was DEFINITELY a transitional point in our marriage, life and family. Normally (when I'm not pregnant), Bryce goes as stays with his Aunt and Uncle and Brett and I go and party it UP all night long with friends at Brandon's house. Usually around 1 or 2 AM on New Years, we head home, sleep in, and then get a nice, greasy hangover breakfast at McDonald's and pick up our kiddo.

This year, Brandon decided to do something different, so there was no party at his house. Brett attempted to host the party here, but about half of people who said they were coming didn't come. One of our friends got tired around 8:30 and went home. So, it was us (including Bryce), our friends Dan & Nichole, and Tamur. Brett bought Guitar Hero for the Xbox, so we all took turns playing (MY NEW FAVORITE GAME EVER!), and eventually around 10:30, we put Bryce down to bed. At about 11:30, we could still hear him talking and playing upstairs, so we brought him back down, poured him a glass of sparkling cider (in a real glass, not a plastic one!), and we all rang in the new year together. We watched the Space Needle broadcast, counted down from 10, screamed Happy New Year and clinked glasses with our friends. Bryce was so mesmerized by the whole event, he just stared at everyone clinking his glass. He gave his daddy and me smooches, polished off his cider, and then back to bed he went. Our friends stayed another 45 minutes or so, and then headed home also.

What a difference a year and a pregnancy can make. I honestly think (for the time being) we may be done with the partying it up on New Year's and may actually be able to handle a quiet evening at home!

Merry Christmas to All

My day actually started at midnight last night. I went to the 11PM candle light service at church and sang "Joseph's Lullaby" as a solo (see previous blogs). It began to snow during the Pastor's Homily, which was very fitting. We now have a good foot and a half of snow here. I then drove home at midnight, in the snow, listening to Christmas carols in the car, alone.

I began to cry.

I had to pull over, and just let the tears come.

I can't tell you why I cried precisely. It could have been the culmination of the holiday stress finally hitting me. Or the fact that, despite getting to spend Christmas with my husband's family, I DON'T get to spend it with my own. I always miss my dad at Christmas, and all the crazy things he did and stories he'd tell. And then there was just the realization that God IS ALWAYS here. I couldn't help but thinking about how absolutely perfect last night was. A beautiful candle light service. Beautiful Christmas carols. A beautiful, snowy drive by myself. It all came together at once for me last night, about 15 minutes into Christmas morning. And I cried like a baby.

I'm Back Now

Well, I apologize for the very LARGE delay in getting back to this blog! I seem to have forgotten that I needed an outlet every now and then!

Christmas is upon me. Finally. Every year since my dad passed, I've had a difficult time finding my Christmas spirit. However, usually after a few days of Christmas songs and movies, I'm there. This year, Christmas quite literally snuck up on me, and from the sounds of things around my office, it appears I'm not alone. I've updated my favorite Christmas tunes to include my handful of new songs, and have just decided this year, it's all about the REASON for the season, and not the commercialism that the holidays often bring.

Case in point, all grown ups agreed, NO presents this year. Not enough money, nor the drive to shop, so no gifts. The annual friend Christmas/White Elephant Gift exchange is relegated to re-gifting old, gently-used gifts, or homemade gifts. The nieces/nephews still get gifts, but they are being made with my own loving, patient (and sore) two hands. Brycey and Shayann will still get their usual gifts from Santa, but Santa has advised that he had to lay off some elves, so no one is getting as many gifts as in years past. I understand, thanks to the abysmal economy, we've all had to make sacrifices.

So, Christmas will be simple this year. Just the way I like it.