I'm Better Now

After force-feeding myself toast, applesauce and watered down gatorade, I am ALMOST back to my old self. The stress of life is waning at the moment. Paint in the kitchen, cabinets in the dining room (making their way to the kitchen tomorrow!), everything is ordered, just a matter of getting countertops templated out and cut to size and installed. Should be back in business by the end of next week!

The best part is that Our whole downstairs (minus one or two small, inconsequential rooms) are getting painted! Woohoo! No more white-washed walls! We picked a very nice carmelly-brown color, which a hint of taupe. LOVE it.

I'll be posting pics soon. As soon as I can find my damned camera. It's been lost in the kitchen mess in the office. :)

I'm Sick

Well, kids, the stress of it all finally caught up to me yesterday. I spent the whole day crying, punctuated with moments of clarity, just long enough to talk about a claim with an attorney and not SOUND like I was crying all day. I got into a fight with one of my cousins over something s ridiculous via Facebook, that when I went back and read our dialog later, I was ashamed at myself. It was clear at that point, that the stress has successfully permeated every aspect of my life, and I have become a miserable person to be around.

Hell, my mom was so worried about me that she called Brett to discuss everything and make sure he was doing everything HE could to alleviate stress for me. Like it's solely his job, and he's not experiencing any stress either. God love her, she was just concerned about her daughter. Brett took it well, thank goodness.

So, anyway, we're laying in bed, after resolving some issues and I mentally felt better, but I could tell my body was rebelling. I just felt...I don't know...funny. Not like I was going to throw up, just maybe that I needed to be up and about. I went downstairs and watched mindless television until 3AM when I think I finally passed out. The TV viewing was also interrupted several times by trip to the bathroom. I'll leave out the fun details. But, let me assure you, it wasn't a fun night.

When I awoke on the couch around 4, I went back to bed. Then got back up at 5 and was sick again...until 6, when Brett got up for work. He suggested I call in sick to work, since Wednesdays are my days to work from home with Bryce in tow. This is no easy feat healthy, let alone sick and pregnant. I figure, any excess energy I have should be devoted to my child and not being at the beck and call of some attorney.

So, I'm pretty sure I'll come back to work with a counseling memo waiting on my desk for missing too many days of work lately. But, you know, I'm not afraid of that anymore, because I've decided my health and my family are much more important than any job. It would be nice, though, to be able to keep my benefits until the baby is born. :)

Merry Christmas to All

My day actually started at midnight last night. I went to the 11PM candle light service at church and sang "Joseph's Lullaby" as a solo (see previous blogs). It began to snow during the Pastor's Homily, which was very fitting. We now have a good foot and a half of snow here. I then drove home at midnight, in the snow, listening to Christmas carols in the car, alone.

I began to cry.

I had to pull over, and just let the tears come.

I can't tell you why I cried precisely. It could have been the culmination of the holiday stress finally hitting me. Or the fact that, despite getting to spend Christmas with my husband's family, I DON'T get to spend it with my own. I always miss my dad at Christmas, and all the crazy things he did and stories he'd tell. And then there was just the realization that God IS ALWAYS here. I couldn't help but thinking about how absolutely perfect last night was. A beautiful candle light service. Beautiful Christmas carols. A beautiful, snowy drive by myself. It all came together at once for me last night, about 15 minutes into Christmas morning. And I cried like a baby.

I'm Back Now

Well, I apologize for the very LARGE delay in getting back to this blog! I seem to have forgotten that I needed an outlet every now and then!

Christmas is upon me. Finally. Every year since my dad passed, I've had a difficult time finding my Christmas spirit. However, usually after a few days of Christmas songs and movies, I'm there. This year, Christmas quite literally snuck up on me, and from the sounds of things around my office, it appears I'm not alone. I've updated my favorite Christmas tunes to include my handful of new songs, and have just decided this year, it's all about the REASON for the season, and not the commercialism that the holidays often bring.

Case in point, all grown ups agreed, NO presents this year. Not enough money, nor the drive to shop, so no gifts. The annual friend Christmas/White Elephant Gift exchange is relegated to re-gifting old, gently-used gifts, or homemade gifts. The nieces/nephews still get gifts, but they are being made with my own loving, patient (and sore) two hands. Brycey and Shayann will still get their usual gifts from Santa, but Santa has advised that he had to lay off some elves, so no one is getting as many gifts as in years past. I understand, thanks to the abysmal economy, we've all had to make sacrifices.

So, Christmas will be simple this year. Just the way I like it.