TGIF

I'm sure in the coming weeks I won't have much time to blog while I'm at work, so I'm taking advantage of the light workload now...

It's FRIDAY of my first work week back from leave! Overall it was a good week...my body is very SLOWLY adjusting to this new wake up/sleep schedule...though last night I got stuck watching the Green Mile on TV and I didn't end up closing my eyes until almost midnight. Still, I feel more rested today than I have all week, which indicates to me that my body clock is beginning to reset.

My brother got a job! He is logging out in the woods with an old friend from high school. So needless to say, he has been spending much more time away from our house. I think once he got a taste of babysitting both of the kiddos at once, he was quick to find ANYTHING to get out of here. Too funny! :)

The kids adjusted well to our babysitter. She is a wonderful stay at home mom who takes fantastic care of them. Bryce usually talks all the way home about everything he did at Summer's house. Abbie is all smiles or sound asleep when we get there. We've definitely found a keeper!!!

My housework seems to be falling apart, though...I expected it to happen. I just keep reminding myself that once my body clock resets and I'm more rested, I'll have more energy in the evenings to keep on top of everything.

At least my sink is shiny and my toilets are clean! Thanks to the FlyLady!!! (http://www.flylady.com)

Back to the Old Grind

Well kids, I'm back at work. My maternity leave is up, we ran out of money, so it was time to start collecting a paycheck again. I fought long and hard, but alas, being a stay at home mom at this juncture is just not in the proverbial cards. Boo.

It took 2 days to regain full functionality of my work laptop. It was a rather boring 2 days. Today I was able to get my work done, but since I'm not up to a full inventory yet (which I am NOT complaining about, mind you) I've been done since about 10:30AM. My hours are until 4:30PM. Needless to say, I am aware of every news story going on in the WORLD. Nicole Richie is hospitalized for pneumonia, Michael Jackson's sisters believe he was in denial about his addiction even though they all tried to intervene, and Barack Obama is apparently the worst president ever for bowing to a Japanese leader. Shame shame Mr. President.

Getting my body used to this new schedule is an entirely different beast. My kids generally didn't wake up before 8 AM, so I could go to bed at midnight and, besides the possibility of a brief interruption in sleep to tend to Abbie, I could get close to 8 hours of sleep. I am a night owl by nature, not a morning person at all...so making myself go to sleep by 10PM and get up at 6:30AM has been killing me. Mostly because I can lay down at 10, but it'll still be midnight before I finally pass out. 6:30 comes around much too quickly when 12:00 is the last thing you see on your alarm clock.

Here's to many more sleepless nights!

When It Rains in Washington...

...it pours at my house.

My brother is filing for divorce from his wife. Because I am a good and loving sister, he has moved in with us. Temporarily. But, in the meantime, we have a new roommate...which has caused Bryce to become almost unbearable the last few days. He is SO excited that Uncle Frog is here that he is constantly chattering, constantly asking him to play, to watch him, to do something with him, not listening, and just generally driving me slowly to insanity.

Abbie also senses something's different, so she's gone back to fussiness in the evenings...though I must say, for the most part, she is giving me more rest at night...she's dropped 1-2 feedings most nights, so that lends me at least one 5-6 hour stretch of sleep each night. Hallelujah!

Brett's late nights are creeping up on us again...which means we'll have to have another chat soon....before I get too hostile and go on strike for the umteenth time. :)

I almost can't wait to go back to work. Huh. Never thought I'd say that.

Te Amo

Bryce has been asking me how to say words in Spanish and sign language. So far, the words he's curious about are words I know. I love you, yes and no, mommy/daddy, baby, etc. When I ask him a question, he usually signs yes or no now. So cute! He has also started making up his own signs as he sees fit. He's actually not very far off the mark most of the time. Last night before I left for praise band practice he ran to the door and signed "I love you" and said "te amo". He's so darned smart, sometimes it's scary! :)

Abbie is now 2 months old. She just started powering down 5-6 oz bottles and is going longer stretches at night...I sense a full night's sleep may be on the horizon for both of us. Woohoo!

Nice Weekend

I'm slowly but surely getting the hang of this "two kids" thing. Abbie is beginning to settle into a routine (she eats at about the same time every day give or take 1/2 hour, which makes it easier for my schedule), and Bryce as usual is uber patient with me. He has begun voicing his needs very strongly (and sometimes rudely) though, so that's my cue that I need to pay more attention to him. There were a few times this weekend that I told Abbie she needed to "wait" because I was spending time with her brother...I made a point to make a big deal about it, so Bryce knew that Abbie was taking a back seat to him for a change. It was cute to watch his chest puff out. :) But, he's a great big brother, and is always wanting to hold her or help me when I'm doing something with her.

I found a great preschool activity book in my travels this weekend, so I bought Bryce a pencil box, new crayons and extra large pencils (the ones I remember using in first grade) and told him today that we're going to start "home preschool" tomorrow. He is TOTALLY excited and wanted to start today. But, I really want him to treat it like a mini-school session, so I'm making him wait until tomorrow and we'll do a little bit every day through the week. There are neat "field trip" activity ideas and a good book list too, so we'll probably hit up the library at some point this week too to pick up some of the books on the list. I'm secretly hoping that this will be a way for Bryce and I to spend some good quality time with each other every day, doing something that is both fun and will help him be ready for Kindergarten next year. I just need to remember not to force the issue when he's not into it and get creative on those days. Also, since he and Abbie will be going to a lady's home who does not have a preschool curriculum (she's a very sweet stay at home mama who is not breaking our bank by caring for our kids!), I'm hoping to take the remainder of the workbook to her house for Bryce to finish up with her during the day when I have to go back to work.

Bryce started his swimming lessons last week too. He really enjoys it, though he has a hard time with putting his face in the water. It will all come in time!

Trying Times

Abbie is still a fuss-budget in the evenings...now it starts even earlier. Unfortunately it's very impractical for us to put her to bed any earlier than 7, since dinner is at 6, I'm usually, cooking dinner/eating dinner and Brett is rarely home any earlier than 6:30. So, tonight (as well as a few nights this past week), we have broken down and rocked her, and rocked her, and rocked her to sleep. It's exhausting.

Bryce has the first cold of the new school year. He's not in school. I'm not sure where he encountered this cold, he's been home since Abbie was born...he's having a hard time not touching and kissing his baby, I don't think he fully understands that a sick baby would be a TERRIBLE thing right now...especially considering her nightly fussiness. I feel bad for him, he clearly feels like crap and needs lots of love and attention right now. We try so hard, but he still takes a back seat to the baby a lot of the time. He takes it in stride, he's so laid back and understanding, well beyond his years.

Brett has been particularly grumpy the last few days, as have I. By the end of the work week, sleep deprivation has sent in BIG TIME for me (I'm the only one getting up with the baby during the week, Brett and I alternate on the weekends). Worse, I think I may be getting Bryce's cold, so I'm really dreading next week. And of course, I've already loaded next week down with activities galore. Dentist appointments, swimming lessons starting for Bryce, band/choir practice at church, my 6 week post-partum visit. Good Lord.

After re-reading the above, I've decided I'm going to bed early. Just reading this is exhausting. :)

Princess Poops-A-Lot...

Is Abbie's nickname now. For *hopefully* obvious reasons. Brett assures me he did, but I don't ever remember Bryce's bowels being so...well, active.

She's either got a ripe diaper, or she's working on a ripe diaper. For the first 3-4 weeks, I can count on one hand how many diapers I changed that did not contain solid (or mostly solid) material.

I hope you aren't eating while reading this. My humble apologies if your meal is no longer appetizing.

Abbie now has a fussy time every evening. 7 to 9-ish every night is the time that, no matter, what we do, she just cries. She acts hungry, so we feed her and she rejects her bottle. She seems gassy so we try and pound the gas out of her (we're really quite gentle, honest), nothing comes out. She acts tired, we rock, and rock, and rock her, the minute we stop, she wakes up and...cries (my mom thinks this part is hilarious, because I apparently did this to my dad as an infant, all the time). Then, like a miracle, around 9 or so, she takes her bottle, burps easily and passes out without so much as a whimper. Perplexing. Luckily, this is our second "dog and pony show," so Brett and I haven't tried to kill each other yet. We just pass her back and forth for 2-3 hours until one of us has some success.

Last night, I took a friend's advice and tried to feed and burp her, bathe her and put her down for bed before the fussiness began. And it worked! Here's hoping it works again tonight!

PRAY FOR US! :)

Life With Abbie

My baby girl is almost 4 weeks old...and just one week shy of one month old. She already looks different and bigger to me than she did at birth. She is an extremely easy baby (knock on wood), and though she wakes up very regularly to eat at night, she most always goes right back to sleep. I am able to nurse her and I just get such a rush of joy and love when I am able to cuddle my little girl and stare into her blueberry eyes.

Bryce is very protective of his baby. I've overheard him on more than one occasion telling someone who is looking at her that she is very fragile and they must use hand sanitizer before they hold her. He constantly hugs and kisses on her, and wants to know where she is if she's not right with us. People ask him what he thinks of his sister or if he's a good big brother. I think he's finally getting a little tired of that question, because his answers have gone from an emphatic "yes, I'm a great big brother!" to an almost annoyed "yeah, she's great and I'm great." I think it's becoming very taxing on him to not be the center of attention...at least for now. If I know my boy like I think I do, he'll quickly find ways to steal the limelight from his baby sister in the near future. But for now, he's a least being civil about folks oohing and aahing over his baby.

Brett has told me that Abbie already has him wrapped around her finger. He is so relaxed and natural this time around, so patient with her and still managing to find lots of things to do with Bryce so he doesn't feel left out. He went back to work last week, so I've been flying solo at night, but he's quite the champ on the weekends. Even lets me sleep in from time to time!

Balancing the two kiddos is difficult, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I've learned that as soon as Abbie's done nursing, that's the best time to make meals, take a shower or head off for errands...I have about 2 1/2 to 3 hours before she'll be ready to eat again. I probably put Bryce in front of a movie more than I should, but luckily the sun is still shining and our teachers are still striking, so the neighbor kids and bicycling have kept Bryce occupied while I learn to entertain two.

Aggravation Nation

I'm not perfect. I'll admit it, I can be lazy. I mean VERY lazy. But, I can also hunker down and get things done when they need to be. I don't enjoy living in filth, so I fight my urge to pop in a movie, and instead pop in earbuds and listen to some upbeat songs and get down and dirty.

However, with this pregnancy and all the joyous nausea that comes with it, I just need to sit sometimes. Or more. I get thirsty, guzzle too much water, then feel like I'm going to yak, so I gotta sit and let it work through my system so I don't toss my cookies (or water, as the case may be). About the only time I don't feel nauseous is first thing in the morning. Once breakfast hits, it's on like Donkey Kong.

Why is it that my husband doesn't get this? We've already gone through this once, and I'm FAIRLY certain he thinks I faked every ache, pain, and nauseating minute of my pregnancy. That would include the modified bedrest I was placed on, which is where I believe Brett's resentment began. I wasn't able to do ANYTHING but lie on the couch for hours at a time (which should be a lazy girl's dream!), when all I wanted to do was clean, organize and put baby stuff away. This pretty much placed Brett in a position of working all day, coming home and doing almost all of the housework. He'll never admit it, but I know some resentment boiled over by the end. It showed pretty clearly within the first 2 weeks of Bryce's life.

Before we even got pregnant this time around, I got the distinct impression that I was being tested in some aspects, to see if I could work full-time, take care of a 2500 square foot home with only sporadic help from the rest of the M Clan, a 16 year old (who, to her credit, is remarkably self-sufficient, but still needs some gentle guidance), and a 3 year old (who usually does a FANTASTIC job of helping to re-create the messes I've just cleaned up). I think for the most part I passed the test with flying colors.

However, add in pregnancy, and we've got a whole different ballgame.

Now, even my best laid plans are thwarted by bouts of nausea, the kind you get when you ride a roller coaster backward with your eyes closed...all day long. So, I've gotta sit, or do something besides even mild physical activity to focus on ANYTHING else but how crappy I feel.

I knew I'd physically feel this way again, at least until week 13 or 14, but I guess I had just hoped I'd be cut some slack, given some sympathy, and be treated more like a woman who's carrying her husband's child and less like that chick who lives in the house, cooks dinner, cleans (or tries to, but gets sneered at when she doesn't feel well enough to do it), takes care of the toddler, and bakes a new bun in the oven.

Oh yeah, did I mention I work full-time too?

Disappointment Finds Me Again...

My baby is almost 3. I want another baby. I've wanted another baby since Bryce was born. I have a husband who told me pre-marriage that he was fine with 2 more kids, but now has decided he's..."on the fence"...which, in the English language means "I don't want anymore kids, but I'm going to bide my time and string you along until you give up."

So, I proposed a time line back in January about the last possible time I would want to be pregnant/have another baby, mostly because I don't want Bryce to be too much older than his sibling. I have changed up some of my medications to make it safe in the event we had an "oops", and I went off birth control in March. Now all that's left is to let the baby making begin.

About 2 weeks ago, we were intimate more often than usual. Every time I asked if he wanted to use a condom, he said yes. I'm not into tricking the man, if we're going to have a kid, I want him to be on board, and I don't want to be blamed for an oops. However, our condoms were expired, and I said so, but he didn't seem to care, so we proceeded.

Flash forward to two days ago. My boobs are sore, I'm peeing every 10 seconds, and Aunt Flo is spotty at best, but not like my usual. So, I'm thinking, "hmm...maybe....JUST maybe those expired condoms gave me what I wanted..." But, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, just trying to rationalize it, but just praying in the back of my mind.

Now, here I am today. Still having all the same symptoms, Aunt Flo still coming and going, and treading very lightly. So, while grocery shopping, I decide I should probably buy a prego test, just to know. One, it will put my mind at ease, two, there is still one medication I need to stop when I become pregnant, and three, I'm on a co-ed slowpitch softball team and I don't want to put anything unborn inside of me at risk.

So, once home, went upstairs and locked myself into the bathroom. Took the test...waiting two minutes...and..

Not Pregnant.

Oh well.

My heart sank. I knew the possibility of getting pregnant on a one month-expired condom was slim, but I was so hoping that it would happen. So, I left the bathroom, with the test and box hidden in a bag (my husband would have laughed me out of the house had he known), threw it in the dumpster, and then went on about my night as if all was normal.

I just don't understand where a man gets off telling someone he'll give her all the babies she wants, and then changes his mind. If I didn't have a conscience, I would already be pregnant. But I want to do this the right way, which means I run the distinct possibility of only having one. I love my son to death, and if he's all I get, then I will learn to accept that, but I just feel so betrayed right now.

:(

Manic Monday

So, my baby woke up several times last night, barking like a seal and wheezing. So, of course, it fell on me to take him to his pediatrician this morning. Croup. I thought only little babies got that, but apparently toddlers can get it too. So, then I had to go to the pharmacy to get meds, then trek out to BFE to take him to daycare (that's my own doing...sometimes it's worth a drive to have your child with a good care provider during the day when you can't be there), and only THEN was I able to sit down at my computer and begin work. Mind you, I'd been on the clock since 8AM (ah, salary...), but didn't do anything work related other than change my voicemail until about noon. I managed to push hard and get everything done before 4:30 (including the stuff I was supposed to finish Friday and didn't because I didn't want to).

Sometimes it sucks to be the one with the flexible job.

Live Like You Were Dying

Please take 10 minutes out of your day to watch this truly inspiring video of a speech given by Dr. Randy Pausch, a professor from Carnegie-Mellon who is dying of pancreatic cancer.
It will change your life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgyuYHXqlO4