Out of the Parenting Closet

This started as a quick Facebook post, but quickly took on a life of its own...

I'm about to post something crazy.

Remember when we were kids, and our parents left us in the car to go grocery shopping, usually with the car running so we didn't over heat and had the AM radio to keep us company? Remember how nobody car jacked us, or sneered at our parents for leaving us in the car? Remember how we didn't schedule play dates, we just knocked on our friends door after *gasp* riding our bikes to their houses by ourselves and played until dinner time (which was announced by our parents screaming our names from the front door)? Remember how we spent long summer days outside with our friends, playing in the woods, or creeks, or back yards, or fields, utilizing our imaginations and sticks/rocks/leaves as our only play things? Do you remember how if you acted a fool at your friend's house, you could count on their mom giving you the same type of treatment that YOUR mom would if you were at your own house? Me too.

Does anybody else wish we could give our kids this kind of life in the present time?

Did you know we can? Deadbeat parents aside, we can stop judging each other. We can be honest with one another. We can trust each other's intentions.

Call me crazy, call me neglectful. I let my son ride his bike around the corner to play with the neighbor boy. I don't check up on him every 20 minutes. I let him play until he comes home on his own or his friend's mom shoos him home. I return the favor when her son comes here.

I don't butt in. I encourage outside play as much as possible (weather permitting of course...and sometimes not). My daughter can disappear upstairs for two hours and I don't feel the need to run up to see what she's doing. Usually, she's entranced in her own little make believe world with her dolls.

I encourage my kids to settle things on their own (unless they just want the offending toy/game/TV taken away). They know what the rules are, and I enforce them. If they break them, they can expect the consequence to follow. And when they are at a friend's house or school and they misbehave, they know the consequence will be twice as bad. Oh, and friends? If my kids are acting up at your house, I give you permission to provide the same sorts of consequences that you would give your own kids. Please.

I've noticed an upswing of articles on Facebook lately that all talk about life as WE knew it as kids, and how we wish we could give that to our kids. Most of my close friends have confided in me that they, too, do the things I do, but like me at one time were afraid of being judged, or have CPS called, or being thought of as anything but the overly-attentive parent they believe society expects them to be.

Well, let me be the first to come out of the closet: My name is Kristy Monahan, and I don't always supervise my kids. I let them play alone. I take time for myself. I enforce rules, I dole out consequences, I live by "life isn't fair, deal with it." I love my kids.

My job is not to be my kids' entertainment director. My job is not to be my kids' play friend. My job is to be their mom. My job is to raise productive members of society who understand that life isn't fair; that hard work and a large amount of luck is what makes people successful; that just because you believe you deserve something doesn't mean you do; that you can't take care of other people unless you take care of yourself first; and that they will feel like the best versions of themselves when they share their gifts, talents, and treasures with others instead of hoarding them to themselves.

That's a huge job in my opinion. It's not an easy one. I applaud all moms and dads out there that are fighting the good fight, that are doing your darndest to raise your kids the way you were raised despite the current parenting climate.

Let's call a spade a spade. I won't judge you and your style if you don't judge me and mine.

/rant over.

A year in review

My God, has a year really gone by already? In 24 hours my baby will be 1 year old. It's SO cliche, but time really does fly the older you get.

I'm feeling rather sentimental and nostalgic tonight. Going through my mind are all the ups and downs of the last year. We are blessed that most of the events were "ups." We had a child, Brett got a promotion, I got my dream job (staying home with my babies). We were fortunate enough to be able to care for our infant nephew and then help with the transition to his other auntie and uncle. Bryce is readying himself for Kindergarten and being able to see Abbie reach her milestones on a daily basis was a reward in itself.

1 year ago tonight, I was sitting on Facebook with my oldest friend (and when I say oldest, I don't mean age-wise, I mean length of time), Jennifer, who I've known since preschool back in Montesano. Via chat, we were timing my contractions together (for the third night in a row). I fully expected the fizzle, but to my surprise and glee, they did not. Jennifer kept my mind off of the negative and toward the positive, and was really a Godsend for me through those last couple, arduous weeks of pregnancy. I will always remember that, Niffer. That, and you helping me down from the ladder in preschool. :)

All of the things I had hoped for my first time around during labor happened the second time around. Walking aimlessly around the halls of the hospital in a gown with Brett, hand in hand. Stopping momentarily to breathe through a contraction. Making it a LITTLE longer before I shrieked for the anesthesiologist. :) A quick, easy labor with no complications, and the birth of the most beautiful little girl with the biggest cheeks I'd ever seen!

Abbie Kathleen, you truly are your mama's pride and joy. My little diva. Enjoy your day, sweet pea, and know that we all love you more than words.

I've also had the wonderful opportunity to become closer to and get to know my birth family better and better. Especially my littlest brother, Max. I am honored to be the matron of honor to my sister, Tiffany, in her upcoming nuptials. My kids look forward to visits to Grammy Shell's house, and Bryce LOVES to play DS with his Auntie Tiffy and Uncle Max.

As I look forward, my calendar is full constantly and it seems there isn't even enough time to breathe. But, since staying home, my big focus for the year is living in the present. To enjoy every sob, every poopy diaper, every "mommy-will-you-lay-with-me". It all goes by too quickly. And soon, there will be another little monkey running around this joint, playing with her Uncle Bryce and Auntie Abbie. Another little bundle to love. But this time, I get to sugar her up and hand her back to HER mommy. :) Can't wait to meet you, Kolbie Noelle!

So much is done. So much to look forward to. The gift I received this year was the present. Letting go of the past, not worrying so much about the future, and just being present.

God is good.

Nice Weekend

I'm slowly but surely getting the hang of this "two kids" thing. Abbie is beginning to settle into a routine (she eats at about the same time every day give or take 1/2 hour, which makes it easier for my schedule), and Bryce as usual is uber patient with me. He has begun voicing his needs very strongly (and sometimes rudely) though, so that's my cue that I need to pay more attention to him. There were a few times this weekend that I told Abbie she needed to "wait" because I was spending time with her brother...I made a point to make a big deal about it, so Bryce knew that Abbie was taking a back seat to him for a change. It was cute to watch his chest puff out. :) But, he's a great big brother, and is always wanting to hold her or help me when I'm doing something with her.

I found a great preschool activity book in my travels this weekend, so I bought Bryce a pencil box, new crayons and extra large pencils (the ones I remember using in first grade) and told him today that we're going to start "home preschool" tomorrow. He is TOTALLY excited and wanted to start today. But, I really want him to treat it like a mini-school session, so I'm making him wait until tomorrow and we'll do a little bit every day through the week. There are neat "field trip" activity ideas and a good book list too, so we'll probably hit up the library at some point this week too to pick up some of the books on the list. I'm secretly hoping that this will be a way for Bryce and I to spend some good quality time with each other every day, doing something that is both fun and will help him be ready for Kindergarten next year. I just need to remember not to force the issue when he's not into it and get creative on those days. Also, since he and Abbie will be going to a lady's home who does not have a preschool curriculum (she's a very sweet stay at home mama who is not breaking our bank by caring for our kids!), I'm hoping to take the remainder of the workbook to her house for Bryce to finish up with her during the day when I have to go back to work.

Bryce started his swimming lessons last week too. He really enjoys it, though he has a hard time with putting his face in the water. It will all come in time!

Life With Abbie

My baby girl is almost 4 weeks old...and just one week shy of one month old. She already looks different and bigger to me than she did at birth. She is an extremely easy baby (knock on wood), and though she wakes up very regularly to eat at night, she most always goes right back to sleep. I am able to nurse her and I just get such a rush of joy and love when I am able to cuddle my little girl and stare into her blueberry eyes.

Bryce is very protective of his baby. I've overheard him on more than one occasion telling someone who is looking at her that she is very fragile and they must use hand sanitizer before they hold her. He constantly hugs and kisses on her, and wants to know where she is if she's not right with us. People ask him what he thinks of his sister or if he's a good big brother. I think he's finally getting a little tired of that question, because his answers have gone from an emphatic "yes, I'm a great big brother!" to an almost annoyed "yeah, she's great and I'm great." I think it's becoming very taxing on him to not be the center of attention...at least for now. If I know my boy like I think I do, he'll quickly find ways to steal the limelight from his baby sister in the near future. But for now, he's a least being civil about folks oohing and aahing over his baby.

Brett has told me that Abbie already has him wrapped around her finger. He is so relaxed and natural this time around, so patient with her and still managing to find lots of things to do with Bryce so he doesn't feel left out. He went back to work last week, so I've been flying solo at night, but he's quite the champ on the weekends. Even lets me sleep in from time to time!

Balancing the two kiddos is difficult, but not as hard as I thought it would be. I've learned that as soon as Abbie's done nursing, that's the best time to make meals, take a shower or head off for errands...I have about 2 1/2 to 3 hours before she'll be ready to eat again. I probably put Bryce in front of a movie more than I should, but luckily the sun is still shining and our teachers are still striking, so the neighbor kids and bicycling have kept Bryce occupied while I learn to entertain two.

New Developments

Bryce is now interested in hopping on one foot. :) For your viewing pleasure...

I'm Sick

Well, kids, the stress of it all finally caught up to me yesterday. I spent the whole day crying, punctuated with moments of clarity, just long enough to talk about a claim with an attorney and not SOUND like I was crying all day. I got into a fight with one of my cousins over something s ridiculous via Facebook, that when I went back and read our dialog later, I was ashamed at myself. It was clear at that point, that the stress has successfully permeated every aspect of my life, and I have become a miserable person to be around.

Hell, my mom was so worried about me that she called Brett to discuss everything and make sure he was doing everything HE could to alleviate stress for me. Like it's solely his job, and he's not experiencing any stress either. God love her, she was just concerned about her daughter. Brett took it well, thank goodness.

So, anyway, we're laying in bed, after resolving some issues and I mentally felt better, but I could tell my body was rebelling. I just felt...I don't know...funny. Not like I was going to throw up, just maybe that I needed to be up and about. I went downstairs and watched mindless television until 3AM when I think I finally passed out. The TV viewing was also interrupted several times by trip to the bathroom. I'll leave out the fun details. But, let me assure you, it wasn't a fun night.

When I awoke on the couch around 4, I went back to bed. Then got back up at 5 and was sick again...until 6, when Brett got up for work. He suggested I call in sick to work, since Wednesdays are my days to work from home with Bryce in tow. This is no easy feat healthy, let alone sick and pregnant. I figure, any excess energy I have should be devoted to my child and not being at the beck and call of some attorney.

So, I'm pretty sure I'll come back to work with a counseling memo waiting on my desk for missing too many days of work lately. But, you know, I'm not afraid of that anymore, because I've decided my health and my family are much more important than any job. It would be nice, though, to be able to keep my benefits until the baby is born. :)

I Need A Bigger Plate

There are just too many stressful things going on right now, and I'm ready to explode. Either in tears, or I just may strangle someone, I'm not quite sure which yet.

We are now over 2 months without a workable kitchen. The floors are in, and were sanded, with two coats of finish on them. This is forward movement, yes, however, my house now WREAKS of the finish they put on it (think a very strong, obnoxious nail polish remover odor, mixed with paint thinner...absolutely awful). The fumes were gone, so it is safe to be here, but the stench makes me nauseated and gives me a terrible headache. It hasn't been exactly balmy here in the PNW, but my windows have been open 24/7 since Tuesday as if it were. I'm starting to wonder if it will ever go away. Oh yeah, and there's one more coat to go...

We were told our cabinets would be in the week of the 16th...well, that was pushed to the 23rd. Yeah, yeah, only one week late, which as far as construction goes, may as well be on time. But, still, after 2 months of this GARBAGE, I can't take things being delayed. I just want my kitchen back.

We still haven't decided on granite for the countertops. We've been to the slab warehouse twice and though I found several I liked, Brett found none. And, he's unwilling to take time off during the week to go look elsewhere, so that means that we're down to a small amount of time next Saturday to look (ie, maybe an hour, after a mandatory meeting I have on Saturday for my church council). Why Saturday? Well, because the cabinets come in on the following Monday and I swear to GOD, if Brett is the reason why we have another delay, he'll be swimmin' with the fishes.

Brett wants to purchase a $450 faucet for our kitchen sink. WTF? Are you f'ing kidding me? I found several VERY NICE faucets, all within the $100-$200 range, which frankly I still think is too much money, but much more reasonable that $450. Why so fancy? Well, it looks like an ornate lunchroom cafeteria kitchen sink hose. You know, the ones you can pull down from the ceiling and spray 1000 lbs psi to scour the mystery meat off the casserole dish. AND, it has a magnet within the faucet to boot, so that after you're done power washing your siding, it will self-retract and hold itself in place with the magnet. HOLY CRAP.
Frankly, I think you could pay me $450 and I could MAKE one that looked and functioned nicer than this. THIS WILL NOT BE GOING IN MY KITCHEN.

On the bright side, we did have someone finally come in to do some electrical, plumbing, and insulation/drywall, so I'm not staring at the bones of my house (aka the studs). We have picked out a sink, a dishwasher, and the paint color for our entire downstairs. However, despite this progress it gets worse:

My pregnancy has shifted from nausea (yay, I have my appetite back) to a constant feeling of pelvic pain, pressure, stabbing, sharp, miserable, can't-get-comfortable, crap I'm only 17 weeks and have at least 22 more to go, misery. These complaints brought about a slough of diagnostic testing from my OB. Nothing's wrong. Much like my dizziness months ago, this is just another symptom of my pregnancy, which may subside, stay the same, or God forbid get worse as time goes on. I recall feeling this way with Bryce...but I was about one month away from delivering him. I am already so tired, but everytime I lay down, I feel like someone has just kicked me HARD between the legs, and they are repeatedly doing it. So, no rest for the weary. No amount of pillows, large or small, seems to be easing my discomfort. I envy women who have easy pregnancies. Frankly, I'll be the first to admit that I hate being pregnant, and I only do it for the end result. I don't enjoy any moment of this. I didn't with Bryce, and I'm not with this one. But, the end result is MORE than worth it. So, you'll just have to put up with my rants from here on out.

Brett's been super busy at work (or so he says), and can't seem to get his ass home before 8PM. This creates havoc in my life. First, Bryce's bed time WAS 8PM ( I say was, because he really wants to see his dad at night, and I feel guilty putting him to bed before dad gets home most night), but has been pushed back, sometimes as late as 9:30 during the week. This means less alone/couple time for us. It also means that Bryce has been whinier than ever due to the fact he gets to spend little to no time with dad, and then he's super cranky in the morning when everything starts back up at 6:30 AM. Second, I get NO help during the week with the daily routine of meals (which currently amounts to a TON of driving around to figure out what "sounds good"), cleaning, bathing, and entertaining Bryce. I've tried to be understanding, but it's difficult when your husband is OBSESSED with money and his job is commission-based. I once jokingly called his boss a slave driver (we have that kind of relationship where I can do that without any retribution) and he was very quick to point out that everyone else leaves at decent hours on most nights and it's not him that's making Brett stay. So, basically I married a man that would much rather spend his evenings under cars than with us. Resentful? You bet. Tired? Duh. Upset? To say the least. His little schedule comes in waves. He starts staying later and later, under the guise that he just HAS to get these cars done, and then I finally get fed up and tell him he needs to leave because it impacts us all negatively. HE IS ABLE TO LEAVE BY 6PM when I threaten him within an inch of his life, for a couple of months in a row, before the cycle starts all over. I just can't understand why he's doing this NOW. I am pregnant, our house is completely torn apart, we haven't finished making decisions to complete our kitchen, Bryce just got his cast off and misses him like mad, yet he still stays. Boggles the mind.

Anyway, I know this was a long post, and there is even more that could've been written here that is complicating my life at this juncture, but this would be an inappropriate venue to divulge the remainder, so I remain mum. Just know that if you don't hear from me for a few weeks/months/years, it's because I'm either in a mental institution suffering from a nervous breakdown, or that I'm in prison. :)

It Moves

I'm now 16 weeks and 1 day. And after drinking an ice cold glass of milk, I felt Baby James Princess move for the first time. The miracle of life has made itself very obvious. :)

We also go another ultrasound on Wednesday to rule out some complaints I'd been having. We still don't know the sex, but he/she sure likes to such his/her thumb! Bryce was there with me and was fascinated NOT by the image of his sibling on the screen, but with the blue jelly that the technician squirted on my stomach! We will be going in for our "official 20 week" ultrasound on March 30th. Hopefully BJP will cooperate and we'll know if we have a girl or a boy. Keep your fingers crossed!

Bryce Update

Well, daddy took Bryce to the specialist on Wednesday. After a review of the x-rays, the verdict was a buckle fracture to the top of his right tibia (right under the knee). For the record, the specialist couldn't SEE the break on the x-rays, but based on the appearance of the bone, he made the call. My little man is casted from toes to thigh in a bright red fiberglass cast. :(

The good news is, on March 4th, I get to take him back in for follow up xrays, at which point they will saw the cast off. If they still can't see anything, they likely won't put the cast back on. This promises to be a quick healing injury if this is the case. If they can, well, he'll get to pick out a different color, I suppose. This promises to be a traumatic dr. visit with the saw, xrays, and possible re-casting process. Fan-TAS-tic.

Bryce is already ahead of the game this time than the last time he broke the other leg. He's putting weight on his leg/foot with no pain, is walking with minimal help for balance, and is in great spirits. He no longer needs the tylenol with codeine.

Pray that we get a good result!!!

My Unlucky Boy

Oops, he did it again: he broke another bone. For those of you keeping track, Bryce has now broken 3 bones in 3 years.

What happened, you ask? Well, he was at his auntie's house, jumping on the trampoline with his 9 year old cousin and 2 neighbor boys. Now, before you go judging, I grew up on a trampoline, and I had given her permission to let him play on it, so if you want to reprimand someone, you're looking at her...well, sorta.

Anyway, they had some balls on the trampoline and they were all jumping to make the balls go in the air (otherwise known as "pop-corning" the balls for those of you who know trampoline speak). Bryce came down on top of a ball, which caused him to lose his balance and do some sort of spastic somersault. Resulting in a broken right tibia. It could have been so much worse, I know.

We took him to Urgent Care last night straight from auntie's house. They did not find a fracture in the xrays, but couldn't rule out the growth plates. Diagnosis: Deep bruising to the leg, NOS. They gave us tylenol with codeine and told us to follow up in 2-3 days if he wasn't feeling better.

Sleep? 1 1/2 hours total, for each of us. The tylenol with codeine did NOTHING to help his pain. He'd fall asleep and 30 seconds later jolt awake, I assume due to dreaming of his fall. The jolt would jostle his whole body and leg, which sent waves of pain back through my poor baby's body. The only decent sleep he got all night was courtesy of my poor exhausted hubby, holding him against his chest.

We discussed it this morning: something is really wrong. Either his leg IS broken, or something else is, but this was SO unlike Bryce. So, I managed to squeeze him in to the doctor this morning. The doc removed the splint to reveal his ENTIRE leg was swollen and he had bruising on his foot. His leg was NOT swollen last night and there were no bruises. So, more xrays were done (along with the obligatory blood-curdling screams of pain, the kind that make you cry because you just KNOW he hurts and you can't do anything about it). This time, the verdict was that the radiologist STILL didn't see a fracture. But, since the doctor actually witness Bryce's writhing, terrible pain, she believes there IS a fracture, but it's either too small or too deep to be seen on the xrays. They call this an occult fracture.

So, this weekend will be fun, full of splinting and sponge bathing. Then on Wednesday, daddy gets the arduous task of taking Bryce to the pediatric orthopedist. And yes, we will be asking him if he has an industrial-sized roll of bubble-paper to wrap our child in for future falls.

Life at the Marriott

In the midst of all these mini-crises, there was one MAJOR event that I haven't even shared with you yet! How did I forget this one???

A pipe broke in our kitchen (behind the sink), most likely during the last big freeze we had in December. But, since our builder apparently took shortcuts and didn't make the hardwood floors go all the way to the wall and instead stop at the cupboards, we didn't notice the damage until the hardwoods began to buckle and by then it was too late. We are going to have our entire kitchen remodeled. And, because we have continuous hardwood floors throughout our downstairs, we will also be having all of the flooring replaced as well. RRRrrr....

Some photos for your viewing pleasure:




I didn't get any before photos, it didn't occur to me to start taking photos until I noticed the drastic difference of the hardwood color after the island was taken out of its spot:


That's how much our floor had yellowed due to natural sunlight in about 4 years. There is no way to match that now. And now, just how much flooring will have to be replaced?


And that's just one side of the stairs. There's another walkway and hallway on the other side of the stairs. So far, the bids we received are anywhere from 25-27K to repair the damage.

So, of course, we'll be upgrading now. Might as well since our kitchen is torn to shreds.

Because we don't have a kitchen, our house is considered uninhabitable by the insurance company, so they've been paying to put us up at a local hotel. It's like a mini-apartment, which is nice for the 4 of us. And they are paying for the expense of going out to eat (over and beyond what a normal week's worth of groceries would have cost). Honestly, lovin' not having to cook right now.

But, I'm definitely ready to go home, sleep in my own bed, watch my own TV, and just feel more peace in general. We discovered quickly that life in an apartment would suck for the 4 of us, as we're constantly right on top of one another. We're all definitely used to having plenty of space to come and go as we please.

Bryce seems to be getting a kick out of our mini-vacation from home. We can't get him to go to sleep before 10 at night, though, he's too afraid to go to sleep on his own, so one of us has to go in the room with him and lay down until he falls asleep.

Kind of miserable right now, but not having to cook or clean anything for the last week has been like a mini-vacation for me!