My baby is almost 3. I want another baby. I've wanted another baby since Bryce was born. I have a husband who told me pre-marriage that he was fine with 2 more kids, but now has decided he's..."on the fence"...which, in the English language means "I don't want anymore kids, but I'm going to bide my time and string you along until you give up."
So, I proposed a time line back in January about the last possible time I would want to be pregnant/have another baby, mostly because I don't want Bryce to be too much older than his sibling. I have changed up some of my medications to make it safe in the event we had an "oops", and I went off birth control in March. Now all that's left is to let the baby making begin.
About 2 weeks ago, we were intimate more often than usual. Every time I asked if he wanted to use a condom, he said yes. I'm not into tricking the man, if we're going to have a kid, I want him to be on board, and I don't want to be blamed for an oops. However, our condoms were expired, and I said so, but he didn't seem to care, so we proceeded.
Flash forward to two days ago. My boobs are sore, I'm peeing every 10 seconds, and Aunt Flo is spotty at best, but not like my usual. So, I'm thinking, "hmm...maybe....JUST maybe those expired condoms gave me what I wanted..." But, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, just trying to rationalize it, but just praying in the back of my mind.
Now, here I am today. Still having all the same symptoms, Aunt Flo still coming and going, and treading very lightly. So, while grocery shopping, I decide I should probably buy a prego test, just to know. One, it will put my mind at ease, two, there is still one medication I need to stop when I become pregnant, and three, I'm on a co-ed slowpitch softball team and I don't want to put anything unborn inside of me at risk.
So, once home, went upstairs and locked myself into the bathroom. Took the test...waiting two minutes...and..
Not Pregnant.
Oh well.
My heart sank. I knew the possibility of getting pregnant on a one month-expired condom was slim, but I was so hoping that it would happen. So, I left the bathroom, with the test and box hidden in a bag (my husband would have laughed me out of the house had he known), threw it in the dumpster, and then went on about my night as if all was normal.
I just don't understand where a man gets off telling someone he'll give her all the babies she wants, and then changes his mind. If I didn't have a conscience, I would already be pregnant. But I want to do this the right way, which means I run the distinct possibility of only having one. I love my son to death, and if he's all I get, then I will learn to accept that, but I just feel so betrayed right now.
:(
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