Out of the Parenting Closet

This started as a quick Facebook post, but quickly took on a life of its own...

I'm about to post something crazy.

Remember when we were kids, and our parents left us in the car to go grocery shopping, usually with the car running so we didn't over heat and had the AM radio to keep us company? Remember how nobody car jacked us, or sneered at our parents for leaving us in the car? Remember how we didn't schedule play dates, we just knocked on our friends door after *gasp* riding our bikes to their houses by ourselves and played until dinner time (which was announced by our parents screaming our names from the front door)? Remember how we spent long summer days outside with our friends, playing in the woods, or creeks, or back yards, or fields, utilizing our imaginations and sticks/rocks/leaves as our only play things? Do you remember how if you acted a fool at your friend's house, you could count on their mom giving you the same type of treatment that YOUR mom would if you were at your own house? Me too.

Does anybody else wish we could give our kids this kind of life in the present time?

Did you know we can? Deadbeat parents aside, we can stop judging each other. We can be honest with one another. We can trust each other's intentions.

Call me crazy, call me neglectful. I let my son ride his bike around the corner to play with the neighbor boy. I don't check up on him every 20 minutes. I let him play until he comes home on his own or his friend's mom shoos him home. I return the favor when her son comes here.

I don't butt in. I encourage outside play as much as possible (weather permitting of course...and sometimes not). My daughter can disappear upstairs for two hours and I don't feel the need to run up to see what she's doing. Usually, she's entranced in her own little make believe world with her dolls.

I encourage my kids to settle things on their own (unless they just want the offending toy/game/TV taken away). They know what the rules are, and I enforce them. If they break them, they can expect the consequence to follow. And when they are at a friend's house or school and they misbehave, they know the consequence will be twice as bad. Oh, and friends? If my kids are acting up at your house, I give you permission to provide the same sorts of consequences that you would give your own kids. Please.

I've noticed an upswing of articles on Facebook lately that all talk about life as WE knew it as kids, and how we wish we could give that to our kids. Most of my close friends have confided in me that they, too, do the things I do, but like me at one time were afraid of being judged, or have CPS called, or being thought of as anything but the overly-attentive parent they believe society expects them to be.

Well, let me be the first to come out of the closet: My name is Kristy Monahan, and I don't always supervise my kids. I let them play alone. I take time for myself. I enforce rules, I dole out consequences, I live by "life isn't fair, deal with it." I love my kids.

My job is not to be my kids' entertainment director. My job is not to be my kids' play friend. My job is to be their mom. My job is to raise productive members of society who understand that life isn't fair; that hard work and a large amount of luck is what makes people successful; that just because you believe you deserve something doesn't mean you do; that you can't take care of other people unless you take care of yourself first; and that they will feel like the best versions of themselves when they share their gifts, talents, and treasures with others instead of hoarding them to themselves.

That's a huge job in my opinion. It's not an easy one. I applaud all moms and dads out there that are fighting the good fight, that are doing your darndest to raise your kids the way you were raised despite the current parenting climate.

Let's call a spade a spade. I won't judge you and your style if you don't judge me and mine.

/rant over.

Indymac Boys Get Sweetheart Deal

A year in review

My God, has a year really gone by already? In 24 hours my baby will be 1 year old. It's SO cliche, but time really does fly the older you get.

I'm feeling rather sentimental and nostalgic tonight. Going through my mind are all the ups and downs of the last year. We are blessed that most of the events were "ups." We had a child, Brett got a promotion, I got my dream job (staying home with my babies). We were fortunate enough to be able to care for our infant nephew and then help with the transition to his other auntie and uncle. Bryce is readying himself for Kindergarten and being able to see Abbie reach her milestones on a daily basis was a reward in itself.

1 year ago tonight, I was sitting on Facebook with my oldest friend (and when I say oldest, I don't mean age-wise, I mean length of time), Jennifer, who I've known since preschool back in Montesano. Via chat, we were timing my contractions together (for the third night in a row). I fully expected the fizzle, but to my surprise and glee, they did not. Jennifer kept my mind off of the negative and toward the positive, and was really a Godsend for me through those last couple, arduous weeks of pregnancy. I will always remember that, Niffer. That, and you helping me down from the ladder in preschool. :)

All of the things I had hoped for my first time around during labor happened the second time around. Walking aimlessly around the halls of the hospital in a gown with Brett, hand in hand. Stopping momentarily to breathe through a contraction. Making it a LITTLE longer before I shrieked for the anesthesiologist. :) A quick, easy labor with no complications, and the birth of the most beautiful little girl with the biggest cheeks I'd ever seen!

Abbie Kathleen, you truly are your mama's pride and joy. My little diva. Enjoy your day, sweet pea, and know that we all love you more than words.

I've also had the wonderful opportunity to become closer to and get to know my birth family better and better. Especially my littlest brother, Max. I am honored to be the matron of honor to my sister, Tiffany, in her upcoming nuptials. My kids look forward to visits to Grammy Shell's house, and Bryce LOVES to play DS with his Auntie Tiffy and Uncle Max.

As I look forward, my calendar is full constantly and it seems there isn't even enough time to breathe. But, since staying home, my big focus for the year is living in the present. To enjoy every sob, every poopy diaper, every "mommy-will-you-lay-with-me". It all goes by too quickly. And soon, there will be another little monkey running around this joint, playing with her Uncle Bryce and Auntie Abbie. Another little bundle to love. But this time, I get to sugar her up and hand her back to HER mommy. :) Can't wait to meet you, Kolbie Noelle!

So much is done. So much to look forward to. The gift I received this year was the present. Letting go of the past, not worrying so much about the future, and just being present.

God is good.

The Dollhouse

Not the book, MY dollhouse...which is about to become Abbie's dollhouse.

When I was a baby, my dad built me a dollhouse. It was not from a kit, it was not small, and he spent A LOT of time putting as much detail as he could into it. It had wallpaper, chair rails, wainscoting, paint, carpet, the whole nine. I spent many hours into my TEENAGE years (yes, I can admit that now, that I still played with my barbies in the dollhouse at the ripe 'ole age of 14). Eventually, I outgrew the dollhouse and it sat. I went to college, moved a few times, got married. I tried to pawn it off on family, friends, neighbors, anyone who might be willing to put a little elbow grease into it to make it shine once again. I couldn't bear the thought of it sitting in a landfill. My dad passed away when I was 20, and the house had developed quite a bit of sentimental value over the years.

Eventually, a girl I grew up near who used to play with the dollhouse with me volunteered to take it off of my hands for her little girls. However, I was pregnant at the time and she was willing to wait and see what I was having before coming to get it. Alas, we all now know I had a girl, so with humble apologies I took my gift back.

My mom has been in town from Wisconsin since the end of July, and we thought a very fitting tribute to my dad, as well as a kick-ass birthday gift for Abbie's first would be to put a bit of elbow grease into that house and "renovate." The exterior was in good condition, just needed some cleaning up, and the interior was fine structurally, just needed new flooring and updating.

Though we are still in the process of our project, my mom painted all of the walls, we fixed the minor structural issues, I laid a popsicle-stick hardwood floor in the living/dining rooms, "carpeted" the stairs with felt, and re-glued the wallpaper back to the wall. We will be putting in the remainder of the floors this week and staining the hardwood to give it a cherry color.

I told my mom tonight, the only way Abbie will ever come to appreciate the amount of work that we, and initially her grandpa, put into the dollhouse, is if she has a daughter of her own someday and decides to "update" it for her. I can only imagine the blood, sweat, and tears that went into building that house from scratch, and I can see my dad smiling from Heaven as he watches mom and me restore it back to its former glory.

Love you daddy. Thank you for such a treasured keepsake. :-)

Ladies and Gents, our Diva, Abbie....

(according to Abbie's contract, this is where you would give her a standing ovation).

Yes, indeed, our little baby girl is not a tomboy. She is not even a little princess. She is a DIVA. In all caps even. She has attitude like you would not believe. At the ripe old age of 10 months old, Abbie has a favorite blankie, favorite foods, a favorite "eating" position, will only go to certain people, smile at certain people and ONLY when she deems it necessary, and will only look at a camera if she's the ONLY one in the photo. We get into battles of wills almost daily, usually over her performing the signs I have taught her for "more" and "all done" at meal times. Now, I KNOW she knows the signs and when to use them, because she does it all the time properly...but only after she grunts, groans, growls and screams at me for more food. I constantly sign "more?" to her and show her the bite, and only after all of the other methods have not worked, she finally relents and signs "more." She throws tantrums if something is taken away (especially the things she's not allowed to play with), and cries like no one's business while she crawls. I've never seen a child so upset to be mobile in my life!

I was joking with a friend yesterday, that I think when Abbie was born, she came out holding a contract, and said "sign here" before ever agreeing to be our daughter. It states her requests and stipulations for playing the role of Abbie Monahan for life.

It would drive me insane if she wasn't so damned cute and funny about this. All I can say is, she's not even a year old yet, and she already wears me down almost daily and is very close to me throwing my hands up in the air and saying, "fine, we'll do it YOUR way."

Teenage years should be a BLAST! :)

Nana and Pappy

We found out yesterday that Shayann (who is now at the halfway mark of her pregnancy) will be having a GIRL! Kolbie Noelle Mannin is due to join us at the end of November. We are getting VERY excited to meet this little girl!

Bryce and Abbie will have a niece that they will grow up playing with! I'm sure they will behave more like siblings than like your traditional aunt/uncle/niece relationship, but alas, it takes all kinds to make a family. I am Shayann's bonus mom, but due to our small age difference, we behave more like a big sister/little sister would. Shayann is Abbie's older sister, but because of their large age difference and the fact that Kolbie will only be one year younger, I surmise Shayann will be looked at more as a second mama than a big sister. I can't wait to see how the future unfolds for our growing family!

I Can Share Now

So, the big news I alluded to a couple of posts ago has been firmed up and I am allowed to speak of it in public.

My beautiful bonus daughter will become a mommy at the end of November 2010. This means that, at the tender age of 30, I will be a (step) grandmother. Though, I hate the word "step" because of the negative connotations (thank you Walt Disney), so I will be a gramma. Gramma Kristy. Uncle Bryce and Aunt Abbie. Abbie will be 15 months old when her niece or nephew joins our family.

We've moved well past the shock, disappointment, and persuasion that parents of future teen moms certainly must all feel. Our very strong and stubborn girl has decided to raise her child, and we support her 100%. The road ahead for her will be tough, she will have her eyes opened WIDE in the next 12 months, and things will be nothing that she expects. But, I know she can do it, and she has a ton of family who support her, so I know she will be just fine. Not only that, but she carries with her a certain sixth sense when it comes to babies and children. I know she's always wanted to be a mommy. She also realizes that she's put herself in a position to become a mother in less-than-ideal circumstances, yet is determined to do what she feels is right for herself and her child.

I firmly believe that this must have been God's plan for Shayann's life all along, and this new little life is a blessed gift from Him. We are all getting very excited to meet this new little person. She is 13 weeks at this juncture, feeling better, but not quite showing yet. She does have a tiny baby bump, but unless you're really looking, you'd never notice it.

I'm very proud that Shayann is continuing to pursue her education, finish up her high school experience, and is actively looking for work in order to support her baby. The baby's father seems to want to be involved, though I honestly do not know much about him. Hopefully between its parents and the families, this baby will have everything it needs to be well-loved and cared for.

A new chapter begins!