I was sort of dizzy yesterday, which is totally normal when you're pregnant. However, my dizziness didn't go away with food, rest, my head between my knees, etc. This morning, it was even worse, to the point that if I just moved my head too quickly, I felt like I was going to puke. So, I called my OB and she asked me to go into the Urgent Care to get checked out.
They run a gamut of tests and determine that I have a piece of crystallized matter trapped in my inner ear which is affecting my equilibrium. They can't see into my inner ear, and they don't even know for sure if it's crystal (My head is quite the gold mine, I've learned over the years....it could be iron, or ore, or maybe even a diamond!), but nonetheless, they give me pills for nausea (BABY SAFE!) and teach me a couple of "exercises" I can do with my head to try and help this little nugget of wonder dislodge itself and work its way out. This process could take 2 days to 2 weeks, depending on how stubborn my newfound mineral wants to be. If in 2 days it STILL hasn't dislodged (ie: I'm still super dizzy), then I have to see an ENT and it could require surgery to remove. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Monday, December 29, 2008
Au Naturale
When I was pregnant with Bryce, I was scared. Being adopted, I never saw my own mother pregnant, nor in labor. In fact, up until about the age of 10, I believed in order to have a baby, you just went to the hospital, put in your order, and they gave you a baby. That being said, I decided pretty early on that I wanted an epidural for pain. I had friends and relatives both who told me that was definitely the way to go. There were of course the "crazy" women, the ones who had their babies NATURALLY, without an epidural and pain meds, and they tried in vain to convince me I should have a NATURAL child birth. At the time, my thought was, "If God wanted women to suffer infinitely in childbirth, he wouldn't have created the doctors who created epidurals." And frankly, though I've matured some, I am still of the opinion that anytime you deliver a child, whether with pain meds or none, vaginal or C-section, it is NATURAL. There is nothing more natural than a woman bringing a child into the world.
Toward the end of my pregnancy with Bryce, I developed pregnancy-induced hypertension (apparently not full-blown preeclampsia, but pretty damned close). They put me on modified bedrest, and about a month earlier than normal, I began my weekly trek into the OB's office to give blood, urine, and have my blood pressure monitored. It was always the same: I was always running about 5 minutes late, so I'd be racing to the office, so my BP was up. They'd have me lay on my left side for 5-10 minutes, test me again, and it would be normal. They'd tell me to put my feet up, drink plenty of water and come back in a week. At week 39, nothing went as planned.
I went in for my appointment, and my BP was up per usual. But after 10 minutes, it was still elevated. My OB looked at me excitedly, told me to head for the hospital and call Brett. He was going to have me induced.
Long story short, I'm at the hospital, Brett is there, I'm hooked up to an IV, and we're just waiting for a nurse to become free to monitor me. Oh yeah, my BP was normal again, but hell, I was there, so they may as well induce me, right? So, every 3 hours a NEW routine starts. A nurse comes in, tells me that they're just about to finish up with another woman and then she would be MY nurse and would get my pitocin drip started. Inevitably, someone else would go into spontaneous labor and that nurse would become HER nurse. Apparently, I was in the hospital the day every nurse decided to call in sick or take vacation, and every woman in Puget Sound decided to go into spontaneous labor. Because my BP was normal and Bryce wasn't in distress, we were bottom of the priority pole. Next morning at 6AM, my OB came in after being on call all night, told me he was heading home, and that I could either stay a few more hours to see if a nurse finally freed up, or we could just head home and he'd schedule me in for an induction within the next few days.
Brett and I looked at each other, and I knew that we were thinking the same thing: We came here to have a baby, and we're not leaving here until we have one.
The pitocin drip started at 7:30AM. When I hit about 4 or 5 cm, they broke my water. I felt about 1 1/2 hours of REAL contractions and was then given my epidural (I apparently told the anesthesiologist that he was my hero in front of Brett, who was not very thrilled with my comment...if only he understood...). At 9:32PM on August 9th, we had a 7 1/2 lb little boy in our arms. We were so happy! And we got our baby!
Now, what's the big deal, you may be asking yourself. You had your baby, had your epidural, he was healthy and all was well.
Well, here's the deal. Sometime later (much later, after sleep deprivation was a thing of the past and we were thinking about possibly adding another child to the M Clan), I began to realize that, I never got to pace around the house, timing my contractions. I never got to wander around the hospital in an unflattering gown, holding hands with my husband, stopping only momentarily to breathe through a contraction. I didn't get to sit in the brand new jetted spa tubs they had just installed in all the birthing suites to help ease the pain. My labor didn't start on its own. My bag of water didn't break on its own. And the pain I WAS able to feel was NOTHING compared to what most women experience. So, really, other than the fact that I brought a child into the world (which truly is nothing to shake a stick at), there was nothing NATURAL about my birthing experience.
I haven't explained this to Brett yet, because I know he'll think I'm absolutely crazy. And, I would never jeopardize the health of our baby in order to have things MY way. I just think that, now that I've gone through it once with very few opinions as to how things went, this time I'd like to see what I'm really capable of. I'd like to have those experiences that I didn't get the first time around. Is that nuts?
Toward the end of my pregnancy with Bryce, I developed pregnancy-induced hypertension (apparently not full-blown preeclampsia, but pretty damned close). They put me on modified bedrest, and about a month earlier than normal, I began my weekly trek into the OB's office to give blood, urine, and have my blood pressure monitored. It was always the same: I was always running about 5 minutes late, so I'd be racing to the office, so my BP was up. They'd have me lay on my left side for 5-10 minutes, test me again, and it would be normal. They'd tell me to put my feet up, drink plenty of water and come back in a week. At week 39, nothing went as planned.
I went in for my appointment, and my BP was up per usual. But after 10 minutes, it was still elevated. My OB looked at me excitedly, told me to head for the hospital and call Brett. He was going to have me induced.
Long story short, I'm at the hospital, Brett is there, I'm hooked up to an IV, and we're just waiting for a nurse to become free to monitor me. Oh yeah, my BP was normal again, but hell, I was there, so they may as well induce me, right? So, every 3 hours a NEW routine starts. A nurse comes in, tells me that they're just about to finish up with another woman and then she would be MY nurse and would get my pitocin drip started. Inevitably, someone else would go into spontaneous labor and that nurse would become HER nurse. Apparently, I was in the hospital the day every nurse decided to call in sick or take vacation, and every woman in Puget Sound decided to go into spontaneous labor. Because my BP was normal and Bryce wasn't in distress, we were bottom of the priority pole. Next morning at 6AM, my OB came in after being on call all night, told me he was heading home, and that I could either stay a few more hours to see if a nurse finally freed up, or we could just head home and he'd schedule me in for an induction within the next few days.
Brett and I looked at each other, and I knew that we were thinking the same thing: We came here to have a baby, and we're not leaving here until we have one.
The pitocin drip started at 7:30AM. When I hit about 4 or 5 cm, they broke my water. I felt about 1 1/2 hours of REAL contractions and was then given my epidural (I apparently told the anesthesiologist that he was my hero in front of Brett, who was not very thrilled with my comment...if only he understood...). At 9:32PM on August 9th, we had a 7 1/2 lb little boy in our arms. We were so happy! And we got our baby!
Now, what's the big deal, you may be asking yourself. You had your baby, had your epidural, he was healthy and all was well.
Well, here's the deal. Sometime later (much later, after sleep deprivation was a thing of the past and we were thinking about possibly adding another child to the M Clan), I began to realize that, I never got to pace around the house, timing my contractions. I never got to wander around the hospital in an unflattering gown, holding hands with my husband, stopping only momentarily to breathe through a contraction. I didn't get to sit in the brand new jetted spa tubs they had just installed in all the birthing suites to help ease the pain. My labor didn't start on its own. My bag of water didn't break on its own. And the pain I WAS able to feel was NOTHING compared to what most women experience. So, really, other than the fact that I brought a child into the world (which truly is nothing to shake a stick at), there was nothing NATURAL about my birthing experience.
I haven't explained this to Brett yet, because I know he'll think I'm absolutely crazy. And, I would never jeopardize the health of our baby in order to have things MY way. I just think that, now that I've gone through it once with very few opinions as to how things went, this time I'd like to see what I'm really capable of. I'd like to have those experiences that I didn't get the first time around. Is that nuts?
Random Ramblings
It's amazing to me how fast a foot and a half of snow can go down to nothing with one good day of rain. One day we had so much snow all you could see was white. The next morning, I can see the grass in our backyard. Bizarre.
Christmas is over, and I hate to admit it, but I'm glad. This year it snuck up on me and I just wasn't in the mood for it. My brother got us gifts, even after we agreed not to, so then we felt bad, so we took them out to dinner. They only stayed one night, though I wish they could have stayed longer. I always have a blast with my brother and his wife, I wish we lived closer together so we could get together more often.
It's currently raining sideways. This means the wind is picking up. Heavy rain and melting snow is a recipe for disaster around these parts. I'm expecting to see "FLOOD WATCH 2008" on the news any day now. Last year the flooding was so bad that there were several feet of water of I-5 down south of Olympia and people were stranded for days and days. Scary stuff.
In other news, I'm having a stretchy day today. If you've ever been preggers, you may know what I'm talking about. If not, bear with me as I try to explain. See, this is the term I've invented to describe the odd sensation that I get every few days in my lower abdomen. It's sort of a cross between a warm, tingly feeling, a bit crampy, kind of tickly, and an overall odd sensation. I decided when I was pregnant with Bryce that this feeling was my lower belly/uterus/baby stretching out and getting bigger. It happens every 2 or 3 days and lasts all day. It makes me just want to lay on the couch and do nothing. It's not painful, just....I don't know, hard to describe. I am 6 weeks and 5 days today, for those of you keeping score.
Christmas is over, and I hate to admit it, but I'm glad. This year it snuck up on me and I just wasn't in the mood for it. My brother got us gifts, even after we agreed not to, so then we felt bad, so we took them out to dinner. They only stayed one night, though I wish they could have stayed longer. I always have a blast with my brother and his wife, I wish we lived closer together so we could get together more often.
It's currently raining sideways. This means the wind is picking up. Heavy rain and melting snow is a recipe for disaster around these parts. I'm expecting to see "FLOOD WATCH 2008" on the news any day now. Last year the flooding was so bad that there were several feet of water of I-5 down south of Olympia and people were stranded for days and days. Scary stuff.
In other news, I'm having a stretchy day today. If you've ever been preggers, you may know what I'm talking about. If not, bear with me as I try to explain. See, this is the term I've invented to describe the odd sensation that I get every few days in my lower abdomen. It's sort of a cross between a warm, tingly feeling, a bit crampy, kind of tickly, and an overall odd sensation. I decided when I was pregnant with Bryce that this feeling was my lower belly/uterus/baby stretching out and getting bigger. It happens every 2 or 3 days and lasts all day. It makes me just want to lay on the couch and do nothing. It's not painful, just....I don't know, hard to describe. I am 6 weeks and 5 days today, for those of you keeping score.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas to All
My day actually started at midnight last night. I went to the 11PM candle light service at church and sang "Joseph's Lullaby" as a solo (see previous blogs). It began to snow during the Pastor's Homily, which was very fitting. We now have a good foot and a half of snow here. I then drove home at midnight, in the snow, listening to Christmas carols in the car, alone.
I began to cry.
I had to pull over, and just let the tears come.
I can't tell you why I cried precisely. It could have been the culmination of the holiday stress finally hitting me. Or the fact that, despite getting to spend Christmas with my husband's family, I DON'T get to spend it with my own. I always miss my dad at Christmas, and all the crazy things he did and stories he'd tell. And then there was just the realization that God IS ALWAYS here. I couldn't help but thinking about how absolutely perfect last night was. A beautiful candle light service. Beautiful Christmas carols. A beautiful, snowy drive by myself. It all came together at once for me last night, about 15 minutes into Christmas morning. And I cried like a baby.
I began to cry.
I had to pull over, and just let the tears come.
I can't tell you why I cried precisely. It could have been the culmination of the holiday stress finally hitting me. Or the fact that, despite getting to spend Christmas with my husband's family, I DON'T get to spend it with my own. I always miss my dad at Christmas, and all the crazy things he did and stories he'd tell. And then there was just the realization that God IS ALWAYS here. I couldn't help but thinking about how absolutely perfect last night was. A beautiful candle light service. Beautiful Christmas carols. A beautiful, snowy drive by myself. It all came together at once for me last night, about 15 minutes into Christmas morning. And I cried like a baby.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Can You Imagine?
Every year around Christmas, I end up finding a song that just really...I don't know...
...fits, my mood for the season, or really strikes a chord with me.
This year, it is "Joseph's Lullaby" by MercyMe.
It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
Please listen hard to the lyrics of this song. The video is beautiful also, but can detract from the words:
Joseph's Lullaby
Go to sleep my son
This manger for your bed
You have a long road before you
Rest your little head.
Do you feel the weight of your glory?
Do you understand the price?
Or does the Father guard your heart for now
So you can sleep tonight?
Go to sleep my son
Go and chase your dreams
This world can wait for one more moment
Go and sleep in peace.
I believe the glory of heaven
is lying in my arms tonight
Lord, I ask that he, for just this moment
simply be my child.
Go to sleep my son
Baby, close your eyes
Soon enough you'll save the day
But, for now, dear child of mine...
oh my Jesus...sleep tight.
Can you POSSIBLY imagine what must have been going through Joseph's head that night, as he helped birth our Savior? Holding the tiny babe, knowing he is the King of Kings, but so desperately wanting him to just be his little son for awhile? I can't even begin to comprehend.
Thank you, Lord, for such a precious gift in Jesus, and his selfless earthly parents, Mary and Joseph.
...fits, my mood for the season, or really strikes a chord with me.
This year, it is "Joseph's Lullaby" by MercyMe.
It's one of the most beautiful songs I've ever heard.
Please listen hard to the lyrics of this song. The video is beautiful also, but can detract from the words:
Joseph's Lullaby
Go to sleep my son
This manger for your bed
You have a long road before you
Rest your little head.
Do you feel the weight of your glory?
Do you understand the price?
Or does the Father guard your heart for now
So you can sleep tonight?
Go to sleep my son
Go and chase your dreams
This world can wait for one more moment
Go and sleep in peace.
I believe the glory of heaven
is lying in my arms tonight
Lord, I ask that he, for just this moment
simply be my child.
Go to sleep my son
Baby, close your eyes
Soon enough you'll save the day
But, for now, dear child of mine...
oh my Jesus...sleep tight.
Can you POSSIBLY imagine what must have been going through Joseph's head that night, as he helped birth our Savior? Holding the tiny babe, knowing he is the King of Kings, but so desperately wanting him to just be his little son for awhile? I can't even begin to comprehend.
Thank you, Lord, for such a precious gift in Jesus, and his selfless earthly parents, Mary and Joseph.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Poor Palm Trees...
We moved into our house in July of 2007. At that point, the house was 3 years old, and the head of the family who lived here previously was from Hawaii originally. Apparently, his home state influenced his landscaping choices here. So, we have PALM TREES in our back and side yards. These poor palm trees just do not know what to think of this weather:
We're still not supposed to be much above freezing the next couple of days, and they're predicting snow on and off all week. Should be a white, and interesting Christmas!
I'm not great at estimating depth, either, so maybe you can guestimate how much snow we have now based on these photos.
We're still not supposed to be much above freezing the next couple of days, and they're predicting snow on and off all week. Should be a white, and interesting Christmas!
Baby James Princess
So, I told you I'd tell you where my son came up with this nickname for the new baby growing in mommy's tummy. He's a creative little monkey, I'll give him that.
He and my cousin's daughter, who is a year older than Bryce, were playing together a couple of weekends ago (before I knew I was preggers). She had a doll, and they had her entire bedroom sprawled out in the living room, and we were trying to get the kids to put the toys away. Well, D hands me her doll and says that she can be "my real baby." So, playing along as I always do, I asked Bryce what we should name the baby. He is obsessed with Thomas the Train, and decided we should call it "James", after one of the trains on the show. I asked D for a middle name, and she though Princess sounded nice. So, Brett and I were joking as I was holding the baby doll that our new child was Baby James Princess.
Flash forward a week, as I'm explaining to Bryce that I didn't eat a baby, and that he doesn't have a baby growing in his tummy, only mommies can grow babies in their tummies. He then decides that the baby needs a name and the perfect name for it is "Baby James Princess". And so it begins
He and my cousin's daughter, who is a year older than Bryce, were playing together a couple of weekends ago (before I knew I was preggers). She had a doll, and they had her entire bedroom sprawled out in the living room, and we were trying to get the kids to put the toys away. Well, D hands me her doll and says that she can be "my real baby." So, playing along as I always do, I asked Bryce what we should name the baby. He is obsessed with Thomas the Train, and decided we should call it "James", after one of the trains on the show. I asked D for a middle name, and she though Princess sounded nice. So, Brett and I were joking as I was holding the baby doll that our new child was Baby James Princess.
Flash forward a week, as I'm explaining to Bryce that I didn't eat a baby, and that he doesn't have a baby growing in his tummy, only mommies can grow babies in their tummies. He then decides that the baby needs a name and the perfect name for it is "Baby James Princess". And so it begins
Sunday, December 21, 2008
FINALLY!
After several months of trying, my positive test finally arrived! :) I am officially 6 weeks pregnant, due on August 20th! I swore that I would never have another summer baby, as being 6-9 mo pregnant in the heat of summer SUCKS, but at this point, I don't care (I'm sure I'll be re-thinking that come July). It was only Bryce and me here when I got my positive test, so he was the first one I told. He looked at me like I just told him we were having chicken for dinner, said "cool, mommy!" and went back to watching Cars. :) He has named the little bean Baby James Princess for now (long story for another blog).
In other news, we did gingerbread houses yesterday, and had several left over, as the crazy snow blizzard prevented several from making their way here. We had a dad who took over his son's house after he lost interest and went upstairs to play. He crafted a lanai out of pretzels and made an alligator for the porch. He decided his gingerbread house was built in Florida. :)
Pretty creative! I told him that he's going to really have to be imaginative next year if he ever hopes to top this year's house!
Now onto actual Christmas/Christmas Eve!
Wherever you are, and whatever you do or believe, I hope that you and yours have a very Merry Christmas and a peaceful holiday season!
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I'm Back Now
Well, I apologize for the very LARGE delay in getting back to this blog! I seem to have forgotten that I needed an outlet every now and then!
Christmas is upon me. Finally. Every year since my dad passed, I've had a difficult time finding my Christmas spirit. However, usually after a few days of Christmas songs and movies, I'm there. This year, Christmas quite literally snuck up on me, and from the sounds of things around my office, it appears I'm not alone. I've updated my favorite Christmas tunes to include my handful of new songs, and have just decided this year, it's all about the REASON for the season, and not the commercialism that the holidays often bring.
Case in point, all grown ups agreed, NO presents this year. Not enough money, nor the drive to shop, so no gifts. The annual friend Christmas/White Elephant Gift exchange is relegated to re-gifting old, gently-used gifts, or homemade gifts. The nieces/nephews still get gifts, but they are being made with my own loving, patient (and sore) two hands. Brycey and Shayann will still get their usual gifts from Santa, but Santa has advised that he had to lay off some elves, so no one is getting as many gifts as in years past. I understand, thanks to the abysmal economy, we've all had to make sacrifices.
So, Christmas will be simple this year. Just the way I like it.
Christmas is upon me. Finally. Every year since my dad passed, I've had a difficult time finding my Christmas spirit. However, usually after a few days of Christmas songs and movies, I'm there. This year, Christmas quite literally snuck up on me, and from the sounds of things around my office, it appears I'm not alone. I've updated my favorite Christmas tunes to include my handful of new songs, and have just decided this year, it's all about the REASON for the season, and not the commercialism that the holidays often bring.
Case in point, all grown ups agreed, NO presents this year. Not enough money, nor the drive to shop, so no gifts. The annual friend Christmas/White Elephant Gift exchange is relegated to re-gifting old, gently-used gifts, or homemade gifts. The nieces/nephews still get gifts, but they are being made with my own loving, patient (and sore) two hands. Brycey and Shayann will still get their usual gifts from Santa, but Santa has advised that he had to lay off some elves, so no one is getting as many gifts as in years past. I understand, thanks to the abysmal economy, we've all had to make sacrifices.
So, Christmas will be simple this year. Just the way I like it.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Amazing Weekend...
So, even though my relationship with hubby is going well right now, awhile back it wasn't so great, so we signed up for a Couple's Workshop weekend with John and Julie Gottman, PhD's. They founded the Gottman Institute out of Seattle, WA, and they specialize in couples therapy and research. John Gottman created a "love lab" in Seattle where he would have normal couples come and spend weekends, then monitor their emotional and physiological behavior during the weekend. He did things like this for over 30 years, and has been able to pinpoint with 94% accuracty which couples will stay together and which will divorce. Pretty amazing stuff.
So, based on his research, he and his lovely wife and developed several theories and techniques to help couples become better friends and navigate the rough waters of conflict a bit better. They hold Couple's Workshops 5 weekend out of the year in Seattle, and then a few elsewhere. They also have a ton of books, CD's and DVD's, not only about relationships, but parenting also.
http://www.thegottmaninstitute.com/
I found out about this guy through the counselor I see for my anxiety issues. He came highly recommended, and because he took such a scientific approach to it, he had the highest success rate around, especially with men (who, if you haven't noticed, aren't usually the ones to say, "hey honey, I think we're having issues, I think we should see a counselor.")
So, anyway, our workshop was this past weekend. It was a 2 day marathon session of a bit of lecture, and then putting the principles to practice with real issues we were having. It was always just the two of us, so it wasn't like we sat around in a circle, airing our dirty laundry in front of strangers. We did have the option of getting help from other therapists who were there who were Gottman Certified, but only if we asked for it....they didn't nose in, or pry.
I learned this weekend that the baby issue wasn't as solved and decided as I thought it was. Turns out, Brett is extremely anxious about the whole thing. He wants to have another baby for all the same reasons I do, but he's just very VERY worried about at what cost. For whatever reason, approaching it from that angle really helped me to understand his position and the reason he's been so back and forth for 2 years. Considering my own history with anxiety, I can relate to the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about something that I'm really worried or scared about. I don't blame him. However, though we didn't come to an ultimate resolution, we did come to a temporary compromise about how we were going to come to a decision from now until the decision is made. It was so nice to make some real headway, and not feel disappointed, or feel like we had just backslid back into "I dunno" territory.
So, anyway, whether your relationship is in trouble or not, ANYONE could benefit from this workshop. I highly recommend checking it out!
So, based on his research, he and his lovely wife and developed several theories and techniques to help couples become better friends and navigate the rough waters of conflict a bit better. They hold Couple's Workshops 5 weekend out of the year in Seattle, and then a few elsewhere. They also have a ton of books, CD's and DVD's, not only about relationships, but parenting also.
http://www.thegottmaninstitute.com/
I found out about this guy through the counselor I see for my anxiety issues. He came highly recommended, and because he took such a scientific approach to it, he had the highest success rate around, especially with men (who, if you haven't noticed, aren't usually the ones to say, "hey honey, I think we're having issues, I think we should see a counselor.")
So, anyway, our workshop was this past weekend. It was a 2 day marathon session of a bit of lecture, and then putting the principles to practice with real issues we were having. It was always just the two of us, so it wasn't like we sat around in a circle, airing our dirty laundry in front of strangers. We did have the option of getting help from other therapists who were there who were Gottman Certified, but only if we asked for it....they didn't nose in, or pry.
I learned this weekend that the baby issue wasn't as solved and decided as I thought it was. Turns out, Brett is extremely anxious about the whole thing. He wants to have another baby for all the same reasons I do, but he's just very VERY worried about at what cost. For whatever reason, approaching it from that angle really helped me to understand his position and the reason he's been so back and forth for 2 years. Considering my own history with anxiety, I can relate to the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think about something that I'm really worried or scared about. I don't blame him. However, though we didn't come to an ultimate resolution, we did come to a temporary compromise about how we were going to come to a decision from now until the decision is made. It was so nice to make some real headway, and not feel disappointed, or feel like we had just backslid back into "I dunno" territory.
So, anyway, whether your relationship is in trouble or not, ANYONE could benefit from this workshop. I highly recommend checking it out!
Friday, June 13, 2008
Oh Happy Day!!!
Hello Fellow Grinders! Sorry it's been so long since I've been on here...life has a way of getting too busy to blog! :)
So, the big news is that if I'm not pregnant right now (which, this time, is a HUGE possibility), I will be soon. My darling hubby FINALLY, after 2 1/2 years of arguing, convincing, scheming, and worrying, said we could have another baby. And it wasn't like a "okay, SHUT UP! WE CAN HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!" It was more of a "I've given it a lot of thought, and I suppose it would be okay if we have another one." YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
So, if'n I'm not pregnant right now, rest assured, I will be within a few months!!!!
So, the big news is that if I'm not pregnant right now (which, this time, is a HUGE possibility), I will be soon. My darling hubby FINALLY, after 2 1/2 years of arguing, convincing, scheming, and worrying, said we could have another baby. And it wasn't like a "okay, SHUT UP! WE CAN HAVE ANOTHER BABY!!!" It was more of a "I've given it a lot of thought, and I suppose it would be okay if we have another one." YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!
So, if'n I'm not pregnant right now, rest assured, I will be within a few months!!!!
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
ANXIETY!!!
I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in October of 2006, however, I believe I've been battling the disorder since I was about 7 or 8. It finally got bad enough that I was afraid I might harm someone, so I sought help, and was relieved to find out that I wasn't crazy, that the fact that I thought something was seriously wrong was a good sign that I never would have acted on my thoughts, and was put on medication to help the symptoms, as well as seeking cognitive-behavioral therapy with a wonderful mental health clinician.
I've been on my meds since then, with a few alternations (most notably a change to ensure safety in a unborn fetus), and have been seeing my counselor regularly. For the most part, my anxiety has been in check, with only one "flare up" about 2 months ago that lasted a couple of weeks.
I saw my counselor yesterday and told her I felt absolutely fine. In fact, my anxiety was at a zero on a scale of 1-10, and because I had such a good report, she let me leave the session early.
Then last night, something triggered my anxiety and intrusive thoughts to return. As such, it was another long night and reminding myself that 1)my thoughts were completely unrealistic, and 2)my thoughts are separate from who I really am. I'm not sure what time I finally passed out, but it was pretty late at night. I hate anxiety.
All it is is an irrational fear. I know it's irrational. But, when it's late at night, I can't seem to shake it and I worry like mad. It drives me absolutely crazy, because I am a smart person, I research things I don't know to avoid fear of the unknown, I employ the tools my counselor has taught me over the years, and I still can't seem to shake this crazy, irrational fear that has haunted me since Halloween of 2006.
I've been on my meds since then, with a few alternations (most notably a change to ensure safety in a unborn fetus), and have been seeing my counselor regularly. For the most part, my anxiety has been in check, with only one "flare up" about 2 months ago that lasted a couple of weeks.
I saw my counselor yesterday and told her I felt absolutely fine. In fact, my anxiety was at a zero on a scale of 1-10, and because I had such a good report, she let me leave the session early.
Then last night, something triggered my anxiety and intrusive thoughts to return. As such, it was another long night and reminding myself that 1)my thoughts were completely unrealistic, and 2)my thoughts are separate from who I really am. I'm not sure what time I finally passed out, but it was pretty late at night. I hate anxiety.
All it is is an irrational fear. I know it's irrational. But, when it's late at night, I can't seem to shake it and I worry like mad. It drives me absolutely crazy, because I am a smart person, I research things I don't know to avoid fear of the unknown, I employ the tools my counselor has taught me over the years, and I still can't seem to shake this crazy, irrational fear that has haunted me since Halloween of 2006.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Disappointment Finds Me Again...
My baby is almost 3. I want another baby. I've wanted another baby since Bryce was born. I have a husband who told me pre-marriage that he was fine with 2 more kids, but now has decided he's..."on the fence"...which, in the English language means "I don't want anymore kids, but I'm going to bide my time and string you along until you give up."
So, I proposed a time line back in January about the last possible time I would want to be pregnant/have another baby, mostly because I don't want Bryce to be too much older than his sibling. I have changed up some of my medications to make it safe in the event we had an "oops", and I went off birth control in March. Now all that's left is to let the baby making begin.
About 2 weeks ago, we were intimate more often than usual. Every time I asked if he wanted to use a condom, he said yes. I'm not into tricking the man, if we're going to have a kid, I want him to be on board, and I don't want to be blamed for an oops. However, our condoms were expired, and I said so, but he didn't seem to care, so we proceeded.
Flash forward to two days ago. My boobs are sore, I'm peeing every 10 seconds, and Aunt Flo is spotty at best, but not like my usual. So, I'm thinking, "hmm...maybe....JUST maybe those expired condoms gave me what I wanted..." But, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, just trying to rationalize it, but just praying in the back of my mind.
Now, here I am today. Still having all the same symptoms, Aunt Flo still coming and going, and treading very lightly. So, while grocery shopping, I decide I should probably buy a prego test, just to know. One, it will put my mind at ease, two, there is still one medication I need to stop when I become pregnant, and three, I'm on a co-ed slowpitch softball team and I don't want to put anything unborn inside of me at risk.
So, once home, went upstairs and locked myself into the bathroom. Took the test...waiting two minutes...and..
Not Pregnant.
Oh well.
My heart sank. I knew the possibility of getting pregnant on a one month-expired condom was slim, but I was so hoping that it would happen. So, I left the bathroom, with the test and box hidden in a bag (my husband would have laughed me out of the house had he known), threw it in the dumpster, and then went on about my night as if all was normal.
I just don't understand where a man gets off telling someone he'll give her all the babies she wants, and then changes his mind. If I didn't have a conscience, I would already be pregnant. But I want to do this the right way, which means I run the distinct possibility of only having one. I love my son to death, and if he's all I get, then I will learn to accept that, but I just feel so betrayed right now.
:(
So, I proposed a time line back in January about the last possible time I would want to be pregnant/have another baby, mostly because I don't want Bryce to be too much older than his sibling. I have changed up some of my medications to make it safe in the event we had an "oops", and I went off birth control in March. Now all that's left is to let the baby making begin.
About 2 weeks ago, we were intimate more often than usual. Every time I asked if he wanted to use a condom, he said yes. I'm not into tricking the man, if we're going to have a kid, I want him to be on board, and I don't want to be blamed for an oops. However, our condoms were expired, and I said so, but he didn't seem to care, so we proceeded.
Flash forward to two days ago. My boobs are sore, I'm peeing every 10 seconds, and Aunt Flo is spotty at best, but not like my usual. So, I'm thinking, "hmm...maybe....JUST maybe those expired condoms gave me what I wanted..." But, I'm trying not to get my hopes up, just trying to rationalize it, but just praying in the back of my mind.
Now, here I am today. Still having all the same symptoms, Aunt Flo still coming and going, and treading very lightly. So, while grocery shopping, I decide I should probably buy a prego test, just to know. One, it will put my mind at ease, two, there is still one medication I need to stop when I become pregnant, and three, I'm on a co-ed slowpitch softball team and I don't want to put anything unborn inside of me at risk.
So, once home, went upstairs and locked myself into the bathroom. Took the test...waiting two minutes...and..
Not Pregnant.
Oh well.
My heart sank. I knew the possibility of getting pregnant on a one month-expired condom was slim, but I was so hoping that it would happen. So, I left the bathroom, with the test and box hidden in a bag (my husband would have laughed me out of the house had he known), threw it in the dumpster, and then went on about my night as if all was normal.
I just don't understand where a man gets off telling someone he'll give her all the babies she wants, and then changes his mind. If I didn't have a conscience, I would already be pregnant. But I want to do this the right way, which means I run the distinct possibility of only having one. I love my son to death, and if he's all I get, then I will learn to accept that, but I just feel so betrayed right now.
:(
Monday, May 12, 2008
Manic Monday
So, my baby woke up several times last night, barking like a seal and wheezing. So, of course, it fell on me to take him to his pediatrician this morning. Croup. I thought only little babies got that, but apparently toddlers can get it too. So, then I had to go to the pharmacy to get meds, then trek out to BFE to take him to daycare (that's my own doing...sometimes it's worth a drive to have your child with a good care provider during the day when you can't be there), and only THEN was I able to sit down at my computer and begin work. Mind you, I'd been on the clock since 8AM (ah, salary...), but didn't do anything work related other than change my voicemail until about noon. I managed to push hard and get everything done before 4:30 (including the stuff I was supposed to finish Friday and didn't because I didn't want to).
Sometimes it sucks to be the one with the flexible job.
Sometimes it sucks to be the one with the flexible job.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Fighting Procrastination
Hi Grinders, and Happy Friday! It's about 3:15, I only have a bit over an hour of work left, and I DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT NOW. I have a few things that I have left to do for today, all of which could be pushed to Monday without penalty, but I know come Monday I'll be kicking myself for not completing these very minor tasks. When it's all said and done, it should only take me 1/2 hour tops, but instead, here I am again!
So, I'm allowing myself 10 minutes here, and then I've promised myself I will finish my work chores and leave early for the day. What to talk about...hmm...how about men!
Why is it that when you share anything with your husband, when it's good it's his, but when it's bad, it's yours? Case in point, yesterday, my hubby was looking at our checking account and credit card balance. He then delcares that our balance is too high, and he's going to literally freeze my credit card in the freezer so I can't use it. Now, I admit I've had plenty of issues with spending more than my share in the past, but other than buying plane tickets to go see my mom in Wisconsin, I haven't spent a dime on the Visa.
So, today, while I was procrastinating, I logged into the account, and sure enough, all of the charges for the last month save one was due to my darling husband's indulgences. At least $1200 in new charges. So, when confronted with this, he turns it back around on me and blames me for forgetting to pay off the tickets with my profit sharing check (which was indeed the plan, and I did forget to put it in the account...eh, I'm human). So, now, we're down to bare bones in our checking account and can't afford to make our minimum payment on time and it's ALL my fault. Indeed.
So, I'm allowing myself 10 minutes here, and then I've promised myself I will finish my work chores and leave early for the day. What to talk about...hmm...how about men!
Why is it that when you share anything with your husband, when it's good it's his, but when it's bad, it's yours? Case in point, yesterday, my hubby was looking at our checking account and credit card balance. He then delcares that our balance is too high, and he's going to literally freeze my credit card in the freezer so I can't use it. Now, I admit I've had plenty of issues with spending more than my share in the past, but other than buying plane tickets to go see my mom in Wisconsin, I haven't spent a dime on the Visa.
So, today, while I was procrastinating, I logged into the account, and sure enough, all of the charges for the last month save one was due to my darling husband's indulgences. At least $1200 in new charges. So, when confronted with this, he turns it back around on me and blames me for forgetting to pay off the tickets with my profit sharing check (which was indeed the plan, and I did forget to put it in the account...eh, I'm human). So, now, we're down to bare bones in our checking account and can't afford to make our minimum payment on time and it's ALL my fault. Indeed.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
At Work...
So, I'm lucky enough to have the kind of job where I am able to work from home more often than not. But, occasionally, I have to make the 20 minute trek into the office and sit at my "real" desk. The problem is, I haven't seen my co-workers all week, and being the social butterfly that I am, I want to catch up and talk to EVERYONE, and I therefore don't get much done. Either that, or I have to cram it all in the afternoon, when I REALLY don't feel like working.
I've tried everything, believe me. I've tried putting headphones in to look unavailable, but that doesn't keep ME from talking to others. Basically, I lack the self-control to sit still and do my work if there are other things to distract me.
Hence, why I'm blogging right now instead of doing work!
Have a fabulous day, grinders!
I've tried everything, believe me. I've tried putting headphones in to look unavailable, but that doesn't keep ME from talking to others. Basically, I lack the self-control to sit still and do my work if there are other things to distract me.
Hence, why I'm blogging right now instead of doing work!
Have a fabulous day, grinders!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Live Like You Were Dying
Please take 10 minutes out of your day to watch this truly inspiring video of a speech given by Dr. Randy Pausch, a professor from Carnegie-Mellon who is dying of pancreatic cancer.
It will change your life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgyuYHXqlO4
It will change your life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pgyuYHXqlO4
Welcome to My Daily Grind
Good Morning, fellow grinders, how are you? Welcome to my new blog. I'm afraid to admit that I'm a little behind the times with this blogging business. I love to write, but it's taken me this long to actually create a blog of my own that didn't amount to anything more than a random MySpace comment here and there. The important thing is I'm here now!
First, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Kristy, but I'd like to think my life is like that of Every Woman. I am 28 years old, I work full-time, I have been married for almost 4 years to Brett and we have an almost 3 year-old son named Bryce. Brett has a 16 year old daughter named Shayann (it's pronounced Shay Ann, not Cheyanne, though she's stopped correcting people...that doesn't mean that I have to). We are lucky enough to own a home in a quiet suburban neighborhood with friendly neighbors.
Brett and I both have dysfunctional families, but who doesn't? I think anyone who believes their family to be functional is no fun.
So, welcome to my world. I'm sure at times it will sound mundane, other times you may be able to relate. Whatever your reason for checking out my daily grind, feel free to read to your heart's content, comment, ask me questions. My life is an open book!
First, allow me to introduce myself. I'm Kristy, but I'd like to think my life is like that of Every Woman. I am 28 years old, I work full-time, I have been married for almost 4 years to Brett and we have an almost 3 year-old son named Bryce. Brett has a 16 year old daughter named Shayann (it's pronounced Shay Ann, not Cheyanne, though she's stopped correcting people...that doesn't mean that I have to). We are lucky enough to own a home in a quiet suburban neighborhood with friendly neighbors.
Brett and I both have dysfunctional families, but who doesn't? I think anyone who believes their family to be functional is no fun.
So, welcome to my world. I'm sure at times it will sound mundane, other times you may be able to relate. Whatever your reason for checking out my daily grind, feel free to read to your heart's content, comment, ask me questions. My life is an open book!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)